Tingles for Someone Who’s Not Your Spouse

We wanted to share the following “Monthly Marriage Tips” from our friends at The National Healthy Marriage Institute!


Healthy Marriage Tip —
Attraction to Someone Who is Not Your Spouse

The National Healthy Marriage Institute

The last two monthly marriage tips have been on increasing that lovin’ feelin’ with your spouse and how to increase emotional intimacy. This month we will tackle a topic that most people think will never happen to them, until it does. And once it does happen if you don’t do something about it quickly it can destroy your marriage in just a few short minutes.

So please don’t skip reading this tip because you think it will never happen to you.

This is one of those things that happens to everyone and depending on how you handle it will determine if it becomes a non-event or the catalyst for the destruction of your marriage.

So what is this “it” we are talking about?

Feeling attracted to someone who is not your spouse.

It Can Happen to Anyone

Just because you put on a wedding ring and promise to be faithful in every way to your spouse, does not mean that your body will shut and lock the doors to that lovin’ feelin’ pharmacy.

There will be people, other than your spouse, who you will feel attracted to after you get married. That is just how our bodies are wired.

But just because our bodies want something doesn’t mean it is good for us or that we should give in to those desires.

If you do give in you will probably be trading a few moments of pleasure for the years of sacrifice you have put into your marriage and the pain that comes from infidelity. Almost every single person who has made that trade will tell you that it wasn’t worth it.

The Tingles

Dr. Gary Chapman calls these feelings the “Tingles.” The tingles are going to happen. You don’t have a choice when it comes to that. The choice you do have is what you do about it.

It’s a lot like a fire in your home. Yes it may be exciting to watch but most of us understand that if you don’t put the fire out quickly you could lose your home.

For some reason, some people don’t view the tingles as a fire that could destroy their marriage home. A lot of people think they can handle the tingles and will be able to put the fire out before any real damage is done.

The problem is that if you play with fire long enough eventually you are going to get burned, and if you have kids they get burned along with you.

What to Do

So how do you put out the tingle fires when they flare up?

Control your thoughts rather than allowing your thoughts to control you. Just because you think about something doesn’t mean you are going to do it. However the longer you dwell on those thoughts the higher the chances are that you are going to act on them.

The best way to throw cold water on a tingle fire is with a fact/reality check. Ask yourself, “If I continue to feed this tingle fire and eventually it leads to a few moments of pleasure followed by an explosion that destroys my marriage, do I really want to spend the rest of my life dealing with the fall out. And instead, if I were to spend that same energy on renovating my current marriage house, how much better off would I be?”

Some of you are probably thinking, “But it is just innocent fun, or It just adds spice to my life.” If you want more spice watch the lovin’ feelin’ music video clips that we’ve created, and use those tips with your spouse instead!

It’s Not Worth It

Yes, playing with fire may be fun. And yes what you are doing at first may seem innocent. But there will come a day when you are at a low point in your marriage. A place that everyone ends up in at different points in their marriage.

And because you have become comfortable with the little innocent fires, you may find that the alluring comfort of a larger fire to be too much to resist. And next thing you know you are in a place you promised you would never be. Learn to control your thoughts before they control you!!!

You can read more tips to prevent emotional and physical affairs here. We wrote the tips for the work environment, but they apply to all settings.

We also created a pamphlet for this topic as it applies at work. We would be happy to send the pdf file to anyone that would like to distribute it at work, through churches, community organizations, etc. Visit our website HealthyMarriageTip.com.

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