In Marriage…Good Girls Do!
By Laura M. Brotherson, Published in Latter-day Woman Magazine, Aug 1, 2008
Sex needs a new public relations team to restore its divine light and luster, and remind couples that in marriage good girls (and guys) do! In order to help couples truly embrace their God-given sexuality, there must be a revival of sex as being good and wholesome within marriage. Sexual intimacy is one of God’s great gifts to a husband and wife.
One of the trends I continue to see in my work with couples, as an intimacy educator, is that there is still an ingrained belief and something of a cultural norm that says, “Good girls don’t.”
The idea is that good girls shouldn’t think about sex. Or that good girls don’t do sex, which prior to marriage is true. But the problem occurs when that gets carried over into the marriage relationship.
The lie is that good girls don’t read or learn about sex, nor should they fully embrace nor develop their sexuality even within marriage. Good girls are certainly not supposed to enjoy sex either. Women are not alone in this negative conditioning. Many men also struggle with similar beliefs wreaking havoc in their intimate lives.
Satan has made sex his realm. He’s usurped the whole subject as if sex has nothing to do with God and goodness whatsoever. His counterfeit message is one of sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone.
He’s even used the strengths of good people who are trying to do what’s right against them, by keeping them far away from the subject altogether. He’s made it such taboo territory that few are willing to even attempt to restore its light.
In our efforts to teach youth that sexual activity is reserved for marriage–that good girls don’t…before marriage–we forget to mention that after marriage good girls do! That mental transition never fully occurs with many couples.
In order to help couples truly embrace their God-given sexuality, as God designed it to be, there must be a revival of sex as being good and wholesome within marriage. Sexual intimacy is one of God’s great gifts to a husband and wife. Why would He not want us to fully receive and enjoy this gift!
I don’t imagine that God’s too happy with Satan destroying something so precious. I don’t imagine He’s very happy to see that Satan has all the airtime on the subject.
Part of the effort to take sex out of the darkness–out of Satan’s territory–and restore it to God’s light is for each of us to do our part in overcoming those negative beliefs we may personally hold. Then we need to do what we can to promote sex as a positive and wholesome activity within marriage, and teach our children too.
I have been so thrilled to see the many that have begun to speak out in defense of sex as a good thing–whether with their friends, their children, or in their churches or communities.
One woman found that a friend did a lot of husband bashing that often include disdain for sex as well. She found herself speaking up in defense of the sexual relationship of marriage. As a rather shy person she stunned herself that she would even speak about such things much less defend it.
Just setting an example of confidently, openly and appropriately addressing the subject can go a long way towards changing the energy surrounding it.
I encourage us all to watch for opportunities to put in a good word for sex. Sex needs a new public relations team to restore its divine light and luster, and remind couples that in marriage good girls (and guys) do!