Men generally struggle to bridle their passions, but women struggle to awaken them. One of the specific things women struggle with is being able to connect with their sensuality and the physicality of sexual relations. You often hear of women deriding the carnality or physicalness of sex, as if it were a bad thing. It is not.
Sensuality is a Gift from God
Remember that the physical body is a gift from God, and the expression of sexual desires within marriage is also a gift of God. It might, therefore, be worthwhile to reconsider the goodness and beauty of physical sensuality.
Sensuality is the essence or experience of feeling one’s physical sensations, including pleasurable sensations–a touch, a caress, even a feeling of pressure on the skin, as in a back rub.
Awakening Sensuality with Massage Therapy
At a recent visit to a trusted massage therapist, it hit me that women have an incredible opportunity not only to learn to savor physical sensations, but also to train their minds and bodies to relax and let go of the cares of the world for a time.
Once we are able to relax our mind and body, we can then tune into the physical sensations that help us awaken our sensuality, which can more easily flow over into lovemaking.
Relaxing and Letting Go
Women are well known for running a mile a minute and keeping multiple plates spinning at a time. It’s understandable that they have some difficulty really relaxing and letting go of things. It’s a real stretch for many of us to not only slow down our lives, but also our minds.
Surrendering to sensuality is a necessary component of fully engaging ourselves in the intimate experience of lovemaking. Thankfully, learning to relax and focus on pleasurable sensations is something that can be developed.
A solution, or at least a help, is for women to take advantage of massage therapy, tackling both relaxation and surrender, all while experiencing a little bit of tactile bliss.
I remember the first time I had a massage. The lady said she was impressed with my efforts to relax and breathe. She said that most women have a hard time relaxing. I can certainly understand that concept.
It initially took me some time to get up the courage to even go get that first massage. But once I experienced it I was sold! Surrendering to our senses is certainly something we all can learn to enjoy.
Being present in the moment-to-moment experiencing of our lives is another challenge for many women. Developing the habit of breathing more consciously and deeply is one great way to remain firmly fixed in the present.
Many women find themselves “checking out” emotionally during lovemaking. Their mind is on what they have to do tomorrow or what they did yesterday, rather than on the sensuality of what they are experiencing at that moment.
Learning to breathe deeply helps us learn to fully experience the sensuality of lovemaking. Massage therapy provides a great opportunity to practice this sensual skill.
Luxuriating in Lovemaking
The experience of receiving a massage very much relates to what I teach in Chapter 3 of my book about the “Warm-up/Preparation Phase” of the female sexual response. It’s a mental, emotional, and physical preparation or ability that paves the way for women to luxuriate in lovemaking with their husbands.
One of the keys to luxuriating in lovemaking is to be able to slip into a mode of deep relaxing breathing where the present experience is all that matters.
While getting a massage is not a sexual thing, it still provides a unique opportunity to practice one’s sensing, savoring and relaxing skills.
If massage therapy is too big of a first step for some women, in my book I also mention something called “Nurturing Touch” that women can do by simply caressing their arm or neck to turn their attention toward pleasurable tactile sensations.
This nurturing touch is effortlessly done for you in massage therapy (or if you can talk your husband into a no-strings-attached tactile gift). This leaves you free to breathe, relax, and learn to let go.
Training the Mind and Body for Lovemaking
Women must learn to relax and let go. They must train themselves to transition more easily from mommy-mode or work-mode to wife-mode.
Women must often turn their thoughts and attention to their breathing to slow down their mind, in order to tune into physical sensations of the body and pleasurable thoughts of the mind.
Working through Body Image Issues
Getting a massage provides an added benefit of helping women work through any body image issues and feelings of vulnerability that may arise.
Though you are appropriately covered during a massage, there is still some connection to the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable that often occurs within lovemaking.
These feelings must be overcome in order to fully engage oneself in lovemaking, and experience the full extent of passion and connection available there.
Many husbands have shared their frustration and sadness that their wives struggle so much with either allowing themselves to be seen naked by them or with having lights on during lovemaking.
Massage Therapy Benefits
Another of the benefits of massage therapy is that it has no strings attached. There are no psychological pressures to return the favor, or to have it lead to something else.
It reminds me of the non-demand pleasuring of the Sensate Focus exercises (Chapter 12), which can also help women learn to relax and savor sensual sensations.
Certainly women can learn to tune into their physical sensations and to learn to relax and surrender to those sensations simply in the course of lovemaking itself. They can also learn it with some focused effort on their part to develop these essential lovemaking skills.
But just for fun you might consider taking advantage of the opportunity to practice these skills while experiencing a little bit of pressure-free “heaven” by getting a professional massage.
So to recap . . . here are some of the many benefits of massage therapy:
- Learning to relax, let go, and surrender to tactile pleasure
- Tuning into and savoring physical sensations
- Being present in our experiencing
- Training the mind to shut out distractions and slow it down
- Practicing deep relaxation breathing
- Working through body image issues and feelings of vulnerability
- Un-associating pleasurable touch with having “strings attached”
Becoming an Expert in Sensuality
I encourage women to schedule themselves for a massage (or invite your husbands to gift you with a massage) then use this time to practice slow, deep breathing, relaxing, slowing the mind, and savoring every touch until you become a professional at it!
This ability to mentally switch gears into sensuality and relaxation mode is what makes the difference between those who can easily “get into the mood” when an opportunity presents itself, and those who don’t so easily.
It’s well worth the effort. These abilities will flow into other areas of your life as well, providing a calming and restorative effect.
Men do struggle to bridle their passions, but many women struggle to awaken them. Massage therapy is just one heavenly way to help women more easily develop the ability to step into lovemaking and delight in the pleasurable sensations it provides.
Hmmmm…Yeah, I could reeeally go for a massage anytime. Sounds heavenly! A massage is such a simple, but powerful concept.
I totally think that this is a key to joyful days for many:
**”This ability to mentally switch gears into sensuality and relaxation mode is what makes the difference between those who can easily “get into the mood” when an opportunity presents itself, and those who don’t so easily.”**
From what I know…Once this mental ability is achieved (although always a work in progress), women can have powerful intimacy with their spouse, the way God intended. Massage truly is a thoughtful non-threatening idea…perhaps especially for the many women who have yet or rarely achieved an orgasm. Also post-baby, and toddler mom’s…those late nights with little to no sleep can be exhausting. I think that 3/4th’s of the battle is just relaxing!
Thanks for the gift idea for friends!
I would agree, many times 3/4 of the battle is just relaxing!
Being in touch with your body really is essential to enjoying life to it’s fullest!
Tri-Lakes Relational Center Springfield Missouri
I could agree with the message. However, what if you are a 300+ lb woman? How do you overcome the embarrasment of your weight to trust someone to give you the massage and to be able to really relax and enjoy?