Book Club Interview/ Q&A Webinar with Laura M. Brotherson
Thursday, Mar 23, 2017
Let’s talk about SEX! Check out this fun conversation between marriage mentor Trina Glines and certified sex therapist Laura M. Brotherson as they discuss Laura’s book And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fullfillment and answer related questions from Trina’s women’s group members. In this video discussion you’ll find answers and insights about the following questions:
- Would you mind sharing with us the reason you chose to be a Certified Sex Therapist and a little bit about your journey as a woman and the discovery of your own issues with the Good Girl Syndrome discussed in Chapter 1 of your book And They Were Not Ashamed?
- On pg 46 of And They Were Not Ashamed you talk about 3 considerations:
- Sex as a decision
- Natural Unfolding
- Focus on Self
- I felt like these 3 small sections were so important for women to understand. Would you explain them to us in more detail?
- I love how you explained so well that intimacy between husband and wife is ordained of God and a gift to us. He made us to experience sexual relations with the needed parts to create enjoyment. As men, this seems to be more natural for them. What can we do as women to help it be more natural for us?
- I have heard from many women the statement, “I just don’t need it as much as he does,” as well as, “I don’t connect to sex like him, so when I do it, it is for him. I really don’t need it.” What do you tell women who feel this way?
- In your work how vital is it that women learn how to love, enjoy and embrace sex to create a healthy marriage? We often focus on making sure HIS needs are met, but what about US having needs, how do we connect to sex in a way that it becomes a need and a desire for us as well?
- The first time I read your book And They Were Not Ashamed and read about your explanation of the function of the clitoris I actually jumped for joy. You just debunked so many biology teachers and other books on intimacy. Thank you for the hope you give women that they too can and should be enjoying intimacy (page 57). I love how you share that the clitoris has one purpose and only one purpose, pleasure.
- What is your suggestion for women who have struggled to climax, either by not allowing themselves to let go and enjoy all aspects of intimacy or haven’t understood how their bodies work?
- What would your advice be to a woman who has been married for many years and struggles to climax. She has branched out and read information like sensate focus and other ideas and approached her husband with the ideas and he says he doesn’t want to do those activities. This makes women extremely vulnerable, in asking, and not being received well. What would you recommend for a woman in this situation?
- Some men are very open and willing to experiment for their wives. But often men seem offended or bugged when a wife tries to share what she thinks might work better for her. Men take it as criticism instead of her attempting to learn what works and feels best. How can a women communicate her needs in a way that doesn’t come across as criticism?
- In your book (pg 250) you discuss the possibility of women using a vibrator to help learn how to climax. But you also advise to have it be a temporary solution because of the possibility of desensitizing and being unable to manually duplicate. Do you feel this way about all sex “toys/aids”? If so can you explain further? What if a vibrator is the only way a woman has been able to climax?
- I have been married for 26 years. Hormones slow down for both of us at this point. What do you suggest to encourage and help couples keep the flame lit?
- In your research have you found that being intimate so many times a week provides the relationship with a healthier environment? If so what is the number?
- If you had to pick one thing that women could do or think about to help them “get in the mood” what would that be?
- How much energy should women spend on making sure intimacy is getting enough attention in their marriage? You mention in your book to spend time on details like sheets, nighties, scents, candles, etc. should this be something women spend more time thinking about and planning?
- Sex is such an important part of a marriage, I call it foundational. If your sex life isn’t good it affects many other areas of your marriage, eventually all of them. The quote by President Kimball saying that sex incompatibility is a root cause of divorce confirms this (Introduction pg xx; pg 84). It’s unfortunate that so many individuals go into marriage knowing NOTHING about sex or taking in false beliefs. In your work, WHY is it important for women to learn and understand their bodies and how to embrace and enjoy sex?
- Your teachings on how to teach our children about sex and intimacy between husband and wife is the best I have personally read. I wish I would have known this information a lot sooner. I especially love how you share that being open and teaching your children at a young age, can reduce their curiosity about sex and wanting to discover things on their own. Can you share a little more on this?
- I have a son who is engaged. I want to give this book to him and my future daughter-in-law. Many moms do worry about their engaged kids reading and discussing such intimate details before marriage and how it can arouse feelings that shouldn’t be acted upon yet. What advice do you have for us to help calm a mother’s fear as well as what we should say when sharing this book with them?
- One of my clients used to live near you and her and her husband saw you for a short period before they moved. She said the one thing her and her husband felt from you is your strong sense of femininity. I help women to connect to their femininity. We live in a world where we are masculinized. You work in a masculine world, with pressures and deadlines. How do you manage to stay so feminine?
- Is there one thing you wished all women knew and understood?
- VIDEO – SUU Interview — “Human Sexuality Course” (Sep 22, 2016)