Glenn Beck, Chick Flicks and Foreplay


My husband and I had a hilariously fun time at a Glenn Beck show when he was in town a while back. That guy cracks me up! Glenn Beck has a TV show on CNN and a talk radio show as well. His show was a mix of comedy, hilarity and politics. It was great!

“Bonnet Movies”

His marriage-related tirades were side-splitting. One of his marital rants involved “bonnet movies,” and I knew exactly where he was going to go with this. I’ve heard it too many times before.

I knew full well he was getting ready to go on a tirade about chick flicks…and not just any chick flicks, but my absolute favorite chick flicks by Jane Austen, such as “Pride and Prejudice,” “Sense and Sensibility” and “Emma.”

But what could I do but feel sorry for the poor sap who apparently has little understanding of the female psyche. Unfortunately many of his male species are in the same boat (though I’m doing what I can to remedy that!).

How could any man be expected to endure a “bonnet movie” on a date night with his wife? Oh the pain and torture of it all that he must endure if he hopes to get what he really wants…Sex! (which Glenn Beck proudly confessed–like we don’t already know that! Duh!)

He’s come up with a clever little scheme that involves selecting specially designed DVDs at your local Blockbuster store that surreptitiously begin playing some big action flick after your wife has been put to sleep by the first 20 minutes of her bonnet movie.

Just as his action movie ends, it magically switches back to the closing credits of Pride and Prejudice just as your wife begins to awaken from her peaceful slumber.

Oh brother! He’s really going out on a limb here, because I don’t know any women that are that clueless, or any that could possibly fall asleep during a Jane Austen movie. And women catch on pretty fast.

Chick Flicks and Foreplay

If only Glenn Beck and other poor guys better understood the connection between “chick flicks” and foreplay for women. I could see that this guy definitely needed my chick flick lecture.

I’m convinced that if more men understood the emotional nature of women’s sexuality they would shape up their attitudes about chick flicks, and maybe even learn to enjoy them just as they are all longing for their wives to enjoy sex more!

In my book “And They Were Not Ashamed–Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment” I take two full chapters to go through the intricacies of the female sexual response. One of the key points is that most women need to be warmed up emotionally and feel connected and romantic towards their spouse before their mind clicks in and agrees to let their bodies engage sexually.

Sex Begins in the Mind

For women sex begins in their heart and mind. Wise husbands learn to include this in their foreplay not just focus on the body. Chick flicks are just one of the many ways for women to stir up those romantic feelings that are necessary precursors to her desire to be intimate.

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to give Glenn Beck my chick flick lecture personally, but I did see that he got a copy of my book. We’ll see if we can help him out a bit! If he’ll read it and apply it…he might just get lucky!

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  • HappyLDSWifeMom July 25, 2007 at 11:59 pm

    For my husband’s birthday, I told him I would watch one of his favorite movies, “Duel” (Steven Speilburg’s first movie about a demonic truck driver who tries throughout the whole movie, to run Dennis Weaver off the road). I told my husband I would not complain and would stay awake for the whole movie. I kept my word. I was amazed to learn Steven used ground breaking technology in it and used the sound from the truck going over the cliff at the end of the movie…sorry to ruin it for those who have not seen it yet, was the noise he used for his huge shark in “Jaws”.

    It meant a lot to my husband that I made the

    SINCERE effort to really try and not just watch but appreciate his movie when he knew how much I could not stand it.

    He has since watched,”Ever After” and “While You were Sleeping” with me even though he cannot stand to watch chick flicks.

    I learned a valuable lesson from that initial effort; when I show him by my actions and not just words, that when something is important to him it is important to me, and not expect anything in return, he is more considerate of me.

    The Golden Rule works in marriage!

    • Laura M. Brotherson August 11, 2007 at 3:56 pm

      It is amazing what can happen when we decide to make something that’s important to our spouse important to us as well. I recall two incidents that have helped me change my thinking and stretch to enjoy things that my husband enjoys.

      I remember Kevin and I having a conversation one night when he said something to the effect that we always did what I want. I was taken aback. It really hit me that he might actually be right. I was sick with the realization. I didn’t want to be that way. I have since made a conscious effort to make sure we do things he wants instead of him always having to go along with what I want.

      I also remember having a conversation with a man who said that he wished women understood how important adventure and excitement is to men. He said it’s a sacrifice for men to “settle down” when they get married. He wishes wives would help their husbands feel that married life can still have adventure and excitement. Whether the wife learns to enjoy his action flicks or seeks some adventure in the intimate relationship, these things are important to many men.

      I have found that as I have learned to enjoy sex more thoroughly a side effect has been to have greater respect and appreciation for men, masculinity and even testosterone!

      Many women have a thinly veiled negative attitude toward men and anything “manly,” as evidenced by the male-bashing that frequently occurs. In learning to enjoy action flicks with muscle men standing up to the bad guys, as well as big trucks, football players, cowboys in rodeos, and other things that our society derides about men, I’ve found that “real men” and “maleness” can add fuel to my fire. It’s not just my husband that gets into the action flicks any more…and it’s not just “chick flicks” that can be psychological foreplay for women.

      • Mr_Mild August 24, 2007 at 5:11 pm

        Guys, there seems to be built into most men a gene that screams “pleasure will come by pleasing your woman”. If that takes enduring a ‘bonnet’ movie or even an extended visit from a mother-in-law — then so be it. As we men learn this great truth, and learn its secrets through practice, we not only achieve great satisfaction in pleasing others, we position ourselves to receive satisfaction in some of our most favorite ways.

        If we are of the notion that adventure and excitement brings enjoyment and satisfaction, especially in matters intimate, then going the extra mile in the ‘pleasing your woman’ department (…along with verbalizing our own needs and desires in the excitement arena) can yield rich rewards. This is one area where patience and perseverance on the part of we men can pay big dividends.

  • winterman93 July 31, 2007 at 12:27 am

    hehe…I am not sure what to make of this one, but my wife is into the action movies, the martial art movies, comedies..and VERY occasionally..the “chick flicks”..and I like more of the romantic comedies..I think she is against those because they can be terribly cheesy..but there are some (shhh When Harry Met Sally) that are halfway decent and even rather clever..

    I AM aware of how THAT level of the female response works…but..I didn’t expect on the small screen, my wife likes HGtv and cooking, the home shows, and interior decorating….lucky for me the “bonnet movies” are not a challenge..the challenge is for when I like to see movies like “Stand and Deliver” or other movies that have an inspirational message behind. I LOVE sports movies like “Field of Dreams” and “hoosiers” and sometimes she will go along with it..but if there was ever a “tone” or a didn’t come from film…in fact we both like film so we know better than to talk during movies….but there is a mood that is created..and we usually DO hold hands throughout the movie. If we went to the movie, we watch the whole movie and go out for pie…if we stayed indoors..then we may see the whole movie or it depends on how late it is and how the kids are..or how interesting the film is..but yes films can be great..or they can kill a mood quick hehe

  • LT72884 July 31, 2007 at 10:29 am

    Hmm, this is interesting. my whole life i grew up with my mom and sister raising dad helped to but he was gone alot.i actually prefer my mom becasue when i was younger she was really really sick and so i wanted to make sure i got the most out of my time with her. any way i grew up on chick flicks. my sister made me watch all the Anne of green gables including the new one that came out a few years ago. she is my only sibling so i am really close to her. She has made me watch so many chick flicks that even now on my own time i catch my self watching one and thinking to my self. Man i feel so weird right now. i am a 23 year old guy watching a chick flick by myself. To me chick flicks have a deeper meaning than what meats the eye. Most of your life experiences can relate to a chick flick. For example, the movie One fine day. what guy in there right mind wants to be alone for the rest of his life. NOT ME. it kinda motivates me to get going. Ever after is about the importance of being honest and earnest in your life, even though you go through hell to get to were you are, and that some people will get in your way to try and pull you down. Return to me is agood one about sacrifice and love. his wife died and his new girlfriend ends up with his wifes heart. he sacrificed his wife sorta speak but saved a life and fell in love with her. I totally agree with happy LDS wife. when something is important to him that it is important to you. i feel the same way toward my future wife. If scrape booking is important to her than i will make sure that it is important to me and that i support her to my fullest with her talents and abilities, even if i do not enjoy scrape booking my self. but hey you never know tell ya try, i might find myself enjoying scrape booking more often with my wife when we do it together. any way good story and great comments from happy lds wife mom person.

  • i80 August 23, 2007 at 5:21 pm

    If “chick flicks” are foreplay for women, isn’t that similar to pornography being used as foreplay for men?

    • Xenon June 17, 2009 at 8:43 pm

      Interesting comment ….

      This is actually sort of something my DW and I have talked about.

      As Laura describes in her book, my Wife’s sexual drive CAN be very high, but also can be very low. When she is thinking “sexy”, her drive can be very high … So, if I can get her read part of Laura’s Book, or read articles here or at the Marriage or, then her drive becomes at least as high as mine.

      IF (and that is the big IF), she is “thinking” sexy thoughts, then it is great and she calls me up at work to say she is thinking sexy thoughts and asks if I can come for a long lunch. IF she is thinking sexy thoughts, she thinks about new positions or perhaps orders some new lingerie or something like that. IF she is thinking sexy thoughts, she becomes ME, and I just love it!!

      BUT, her comment is that she doesn’t like that feeling. She doesn’t like to read articles here or elsewhere on the web, because they feel like porn to her (Her words, not mine). I guess, in a sense, she is correct. She doesn’t want to watch TV shows or movies that have too much sexual implications, because they are “porn-like”. Those are all things that manipulate her emotions and get her excited and thinking sexually – and that to her is pornography, or at least too close to porn for comfort level.

      This is quite frustrating to me … I think her “natural” drive level is extremely low, and so I really like it when there is some external force “manipulating her emotions” to get her thinking about sex more often than she would otherwise. So, I would say that my wife agrees with the idea that at least some “chick flicks” are pornographic. Or at least, that the intentional manipulation of emotions to get her excited sexually has a very negative connotation to her.

      This has led to some interesting issues for us … because when we watch chick flicks, MY EMOTIONS are certainly manipulated by them, and I want to touch her more. She has asked “what would like to watch for a date night?” and I have said “Whatever you think is likely to make you amorous.”

      Anyway, sure, I can see where certain elements of chick flicks could be considered by some to be “pornographic”. But part of that is (and we talked about this as well), is really more a comment on the “viewer” than anything else. I remember being 12 or so, and finding the instructions for using tampons in my mom’s bathroom, with anatomical drawings, and finding that “pornographic” to a 12 year old just starting to wonder about female anatomy. I think the person at the company probably had zero pornographic intent in making that instruction, but it did have that effect on me.

      • SirJohn June 19, 2009 at 7:47 am


        Odd. From some of your other posts and up until here: “I think her natural drive level is extremely low” I had the opposite impression of your wife. It sounds to me like her her natural drive is quite high, but she practices a concerted effort to shut it down and be “virtuous” (a false form which is actually the opposite of virtue). When she is thinking those thought and she tries new positions or orders lingerie; it sounds like that is her own thoughts, her own creativity, her own drive shining through. It may seem like it’s the literature that is “manipulating her emotions” when it only happens after she reads; but it doesn’t sound like she is just mechanically doing positions she was told to do in the book, or ordering lingerie because the book suggested it. It sounds like the external force helps her free her natural drive from her self-imposed mental shackles.

        Perhaps this is a moot point and merely an exercise in measuring whether the glass is half full or half empty.

        Sir John

        • Xenon June 19, 2009 at 9:48 am

          Sir John,

          Well, I generally think of myself as a glass half full kind of person ….

          There are several things at play here … You can find my posts of two years ago, and that was a very different DW at a very different place in our marriage. I have seen a huge change in her over the last year. We have gone from no lingerie to me buying some pieces to her ordering some for a valentine’s day surprise. A similar transformation has happened in other areas as well. (Side note: I recently have wondered if I have changed for the better in giving her what she needs as much a she has changed for me).

          I think (and maybe this is what you are saying) that she suffers horribly from the “Good Girl Syndrome”. (She doesn’t see it that way … ). So, when she lets go of the syndrome stuff a bit, things get better. But at the same time, she normally has sexual desire for about 48 hours one or two days after her period is over. But, it could be that only in that 48 hours is the desire high enough to overcome the “mental shackles” that you refer to.

          Chick Flicks and websites and books help raise the desire at other times above the good girl threshold. I think that part of our improvement is her lowing the good girl threshold so that her desire crosses more often, and me doing a better job making her feel loved and needed and raising her baseline desire level.

  • Gladys June 17, 2009 at 10:22 am

    NO!! That is a comment looking for something that is not there!

  • Xenon June 17, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    For us, it kind of depends on the “guy movie” or the “chick flick”.

    For example, I really can’t stand the “oh look how rotten this person’s life is but they still carry on” kind of chick flicks. The “Mr Fixit” in me screams because I can’t fix it, nor help, which is so “un-guy”, but my wife comes away with “a good cry”. I have no idea what this “good cry” concept is.

    On the other hand, I actually enjoy the “romantic comedy” chick flicks. I enjoy the “they should be together, but something happens and they aren’t, but eventually they work it out and get together” storyline.

    On the flip side, my wife can’t stand the “thriller” or “scary” movies (not gory blood movies) that I like. She says “it makes me feel ichy and creepy”, to which I respond … YEAH, that’s the point.

    BUT, she actually likes SciFi and Fantasy movies and some action movies with me.

    In the end (much like Laura said), I think we watch “what she likes” alot more than what I like. But she has learned to generally watch the “good cry” movies without me, but sometimes I watch with her. She almost never watches the thriller or scary movies with me, but that is fine.

    I seldom watch the home decorating or quilting shows with her, and she seldom watches college football with me. BUT, we do have a collection of shows and movies that we do enjoy together.

    One question for the blog though … I don’t know if it is a leftover teenage fantasy or what, but I have to admit that I crave physical touch during “chick flicks”. As I guess they are designed to do, it gets my emotional juices flowing, and I want to play with her, rub her back, touch her breasts, etc. as we are watching the show, especially as the two should be lovers get together. BUT, that tends to drive my wife nuts. She wants to concentrate on the movie and the characters and the plot line, and just be next to each other. She says anything too physical, and she attention is split and she can’t really enjoy either. Sometimes, as a favor to me, she watches a show she DOESN’T care about, or that we have seen before, and lets me get more physical during the movie (or once in a while, she lets me get more physical, and the we rewind back to where she stopped paying attention).

    • JustGettingBy June 17, 2009 at 7:09 pm

      I don’t quite get the comment about chick flick’s being akin to porn.

      I generally watch what my wife likes to see. Maybe every other year I rent something that I wanted to see that she didn’t want to watch.

      Like Xenon – the romantic movies make appreciate my wife and want to lover her more – which for me is lots of touching, but it seems to make her mad, so I generally back off and keep my hands to myself.

  • Arogen November 15, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    Two romantic movies this guy actually likes are Stardust, and The Hudsucker Proxy

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