Developing a Sexual Identity


This post is in connection with episode #030 “I Am a Sexual Being, and It’s Good” of The Marital Intimacy Show. For your convenience, the questions from that episode are posted here.


I’ve recently come across some interesting research about women and the sexual issues they face, and what some of the best approaches are for helping women with these issues. It really boils down to women developing a sexual identity, or having that foundation for their intimate relationship in marriage.

Sexual Identity

What is a sexual identity? Basically it means that you see yourself as a sexual being, and embrace that as a good thing. And I’d even take it a step further to say that part of a healthy sexual identity is understanding the fact that your sexuality is of God.

Questions for Developing Your Sexual Identity

What I’d like to share here are some of the questions provided in the research, so that you can begin to explore these issues on your own. I’d suggest you get a notebook and begin to do some writing–investigating these questions.

Here are 15 questions to ponder, and do some writing about:

  1. What do I think about sex? What does sex mean to me? What does sex mean to God?
  2. What do I think about my body…all parts of it?
  3. How did I learn about sex? What was I taught?
  4. What do I want from sex? What do I want it to accomplish?
  5. What kinds of things give me pleasure, even if not sexual?
  6. Which of my senses give me pleasure? Touch? Taste? Sight? etc.
  7. What am I passionate about, even if it’s not sexual? (Have a conversation with yourself about passion itself.) …Where are your passions? What do they say about you?
  8. If your passions are non-sexual, what does that mean for you?
  9. Have I ever been passionate about sex?
  10. What was different then? What was different about me then?
  11. Where did my passionate self go?
  12. What things might I need to grieve over regarding passion in my life? Sexual or otherwise? (A lot of women have experienced some pain and heartache about sexual things…Those issues must be addressed and healed–usually with the help of a therapist.)
  13. What keeps me from wanting and/or enjoying pleasure now?
  14. What would it mean and what would it look like if I took responsibility for reconnecting my passion to my sexuality?
  15. What would it mean to my husband if I embraced my sexuality? What would it mean to my children?


Foley, S. (2003). Women in sex therapy: Developing a sexual identity. Contemporary Sexuality, 37(9), 7-13.

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