Welcome to Laura’s Blog

Welcome to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog!

Laura in pink 110 pixI hope you’ll be inspired, encouraged and enlightened in strengthening your marriage intimately.This blog is the result of many requests that I start a blog to highlight and discuss the principles I teach in my book, “And They Were Not Ashamed — Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.” Topics I expect we’ll cover here include marriage, sex, intimacy, and parenting.Many of my readers have been using the Comments page on our website as a makeshift blog to seek insights regarding their marriage and intimacy issues. While the Comments page was created originally for comments about our books and CDs, we now have an official place for a more interactive discussion here on “Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog.”

Since I am still in a graduate program for Marriage and Family Therapy and will be for some time, I don’t expect that my posts will be terribly often, nor that I will be able to respond to all comments. We have available Phone Consultations and Email Consultations for those who would like a more personal and in-depth discussion directly with Laura. But I do hope that with your thoughtful comments some good discussions will occur here, and that the comments shared will benefit all who visit this blog seeking to strengthen their marriage.

My expectation is that we will all be able to maintain an attitude of respect for each other, and reverence for the sacred subject of sexuality and marriage. I will be moderating all comments to be sure that comments maintain the tone I have tried to establish throughout my book, newsletters, and published articles.

My heart goes out to the hundreds of men and women I receive email from who desperately want to have a rich and fulfilling intimately connected relationship in marriage not only sexually, but also emotionally and spiritually. I hope to share insights here that will help each of you move your relationship continually forward to create the relationship of your dreams.

I look forward to the opportunity this blog presents to share tidbits of information in a quick, easy and informal manner, though I definitely recommend that you also subscribe to our “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter. You can subscribe to the right of this post under “Free Newsletter.”

This blog is intended to be one of the few places people can go to get straight talk about strengthening marriages intimately, and yet feel confident that the sanctity of marriage and sexuality will be upheld. I hope this blog and our StrengtheningMarriage.com website will be your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthening your marriage sexually.

This blog is open to all visitors to read the posts, but we do ask those whom wish to comment to register. Only a chosen username (may be fictitious) and an email address are requested. Your password will be sent to your email address, then you will be ready to post away!

(Visit the “Blog Guidelines” page for steps to post.)

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  • Jim July 25, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    This will be a wonderful resource Laura, thank you!

  • HappyLDSWifeMom July 25, 2007 at 4:10 pm

    I know this site will be a source for many who do not know where else to turn to get answers to their sexual intimacy questions and concerns. God bless you Laura and tell that wonderful husband of yours how much we appreciate his love, patience and support of you so you can continue to bless the lives of others.

  • winterman93 August 1, 2007 at 3:58 pm

    Laura, thanks..you’d be proud…I have plugged your book as well as the website…I even got an email from a friend who found ME on here by accident..so it even has a good capability to work as a networking tool and …i think this is the type of book/mentality that will work great in terms of “word of mouth” advertising.

    Laura, you’d think I was your marketer with the frequncy at which I have referenced people…but it is one of those things that…if I am able to see the good and value of something, and it helps me in my life, I am going to pass it on. I am EXTREMELY loyalin that respect..nearly to a fault…but I just feel that your book hits on so many points of life that I have even gained a lot of my own insight that I hadn’t had previously.

    this good girl syndrome is real…and if I could expand on that, I started to blame the overall baby Boomer generation for teaching the Gen Xers poorly about sex education as it OUGHT to be taught…but let’s look at the resources they had. Their parents still had separate beds, sex probably WAS much more taboo and silenced. Under the same light, most of my grandparents and great-grandparents were dealing with MUCH bigger problems with the Depression..so with that same mentality, they didn’t teach their kids at great length about finances and the baby boomers didn’t teach our generation much on that subject either.

    Those who were born into money may have been much better taught possibly because it was all around them, but that is not a given either.

    Sadly, in order to teach people RIGHT, we actually DO have to reinvent the wheel and educate OURSELVES ALL OVER AGAIN (whether we have kids or not) as far as sex education. We can THEN and only then, STOP the bad cycle of having our kids grow up in ignorance and embarrassment and assure that they actually have a GOOD strong foundation where they do NOT feel ashamed, embarrassed or uncomfortable and can talk about sex objectively in any circumstance or setting.

    that is something to be esteemed to and it will be hard to get the whole Church on board with this to where people will see the need to properly teach their kids what their own parents never taught them.

  • winterman93 August 1, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    But it will be worth it!

  • HappyLDSWifeMom August 6, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    Moses told his people when they were bit by a snake to look at the snake on the staff to keep from dying but many would not look and died. Why is it that many have been given all the tools they need (Laura’s book, the scriptures, counsel from our Prophets, etc) to build a strong marriage that will last the eternities but will not read nor apply what they are learning and end up in miserable marriages or divorce?

    Like anything worth having whether it is a good paying job, education, well trained children, etc, they do not just happen, they take a lot of work and effort. So does marriage. Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of Heaven.

  • buzz August 18, 2007 at 7:25 am

    We have been married 24 years. From the beginning we enjoyed oral sex. That is until about 11 years ago when we attended a day-long session on marital relations given by a couple [husb employed with CES]. He put oral sex in the context of “unholy and impure practice”. From that point on we no longer engage in OS. I really enjoyed the variety OS added to spice things up. Plus my wife needs digital stimulation to orgasm. I cannot even bring up the topic of OS without getting her upset. I have read most of your book. Given that the Brethren have taken no stand on OS I have resented my wife using the statement of a “non authority” as reason to dis-continue what we both enjoyed. And like most women, she needs direct stimulation in order to orgasm. OS really solved that problem. On a related topic, I see little difference between using my fingers to bring her to orgasm and using a vibrator held in my fingers to accomplish the same result. I am unsure how to approach her with my feelings. Do topics like this come up in your seminars or on your cruises? [anonymous audience questions]

    • whrldcuke August 23, 2007 at 7:57 pm

      We have been married 28 years. Neither of us have ever had oral sex in our lives. It interests me. My wife has no interest and when pressed, thinks it is probably is sinful.

      Laura seems quite reluctant to address this topic. On the one hand, an endorsement would be ammo for some to compel their spouses to try this. And on the other, simply stating OS is wrong and unnecessary must be too intrusive to her sense of our agency.

      But her book is very forthright in other areas. It just lacks instruction on this, which I’d like placed in a sacred perspective.

      Is OS a pleasure that my wife is missing out on? Is there really a taste I’m missing? Is it wrong to desire this alternative to intercourse for myself (as I often do)? Is OS wrong? If so, why? If not, why not clearly include it in Laura’s book and provide some instruction in a spiritual context?

      One cannot ignore what seems to be widespread acceptance of OS in society — Clinton, necessary reading of adolescent “hooking up” research (our teens are grown now, but this info was belatedly useful)… We have told our kids we have never engaged in OS. They think we are nuts (very square and naive).

      So, on this very current and vital topic of oral sex, this blog could be most helpful.

      • Laura M. Brotherson September 17, 2007 at 9:53 pm

        Reply by Laura M. Brotherson to “Comment by whrldcuke” from 8-23-2007

        Your comment in your first paragraph is the key issue for you in that your wife has no interest in oral sex and probably thinks it’s sinful. To press your wife to do something she thinks is sinful, may not be your best approach.

        You are correct that I don’t intend to be the bedroom police, nor a promoter of things that may cause more difficulties for some couples. This is simply one of those issues that couples must work out between themselves and the Lord (and a counselor, if necessary).

        It isn’t necessarily wrong to desire something unless that desire is something your wife is opposed to. Then you’ve got problems.

        I can see the challenge this topic creates for husbands and wives, but I don’t see that a “final word” from me or anyone else on any particular sexual behavior would or should solve everyone’s problems.

        Obviously just because something has widespread acceptance in our society doesn’t make it something for everyone to pursue.

        I hope others will share their thoughts if that will be helpful to you, but I do hope that you will be more concerned about your wife’s sentiments than mine or anyone else’s.

    • Laura M. Brotherson August 27, 2007 at 11:10 am

      Reply to Buzz’s post on 8/18/07

      Yes these questions come up a lot…whether it’s the “what’s okay?” questions or the questions about differing sexual beliefs and preferences that husbands and wives naturally have. It may be helpful to read my two articles on “What’s Okay and What Isn’t?” parts 1 and 2 (found on my articles page) and also the Straight Talk Q&A entries where I address these issues.

      I can see where your wife might be coming from though. Women tend to be particularly sensitive to what’s right and wrong, and men tend to be a little more liberal when it comes to sexual issues. That’s just a generality I’m suggesting due to men and women’s different sexual wiring mentally and physiologically.

      Sometimes we forget that people can receive their own answers to any “what’s right or what’s wrong” question to confirm or disavow something we hear or read. It’s harder to put in the time and effort to receive your own answers to prayer than to just go with what someone else says. This is why so many people continue to want some kind of moral handbook on every little sexual behavior, when they can already get the answers themselves…they just have to do their own homework and prayer-work!

      (And where many women tend to want to err on the side of right, any hint of something inappropriate makes any discussion of it unnecessary and a low priority to them.)

      Your question seems like something that you and your spouse could certainly pray about together to determine what is right for you. But if she’s unwilling to even consider it, then you’re at that place of “trying to get your spouse to change,” which is an ineffective use of time and energy, in my opinion. (Now you need to read our “How Do I Get My Spouse to Change?!” article.)

      We can only change our spouse by changing ourself–our attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, etc. Your spouse will be more likely to rethink her beliefs if she no longer feels the psychological pressure of you needing her to change on this matter. I know it’s a frustrating paradox, but not needing our spouse to change is the only way they really can consider changing.

      If you can try to focus on the good things about your sexual relationship, you’ll reduce your own frustration and increase the feeling of love, acceptance and connection between you and your wife. With that, who knows what good things may come your way!

    • Laura M. Brotherson September 17, 2007 at 9:37 pm

      Reply by Laura M. Brotherson to “Comment by buzz” from 8-18-2007

      (Sorry I didn’t notice that I had already responded to this post, but since I’ve now written it, I’ll go ahead and post it anyway!)

      I’m sorry that you are frustrated by your wife’s desire to change your lovemaking based on things she has heard.

      A couple thoughts…I have found that women in general tend to be more sensitive to issues of what’s okay and what isn’t in the sexual relationship. I think due to the different sexual wiring between men and women, men tend to be a little more liberal with what’s okay and women tend to be a little more conservative. I think our differing sexual wiring affects what messages or conditioning we internalize and what simply goes in one ear and out the other.

      I also think your situation has something to do with the concept of spritual self-reliance. Many good and faithful people tend to gobble up what someone else says is okay or not rather than doing the more difficult work of going directly to “The Source” for confirmation or to get answers themselves. I hope people will continue to develop greater reliance on the Lord directly and less reliance on needing somebody to answer their sexual questions for them.

      According to my own studies, the most recent and repeated counsel regarding sexual matters between husband and wife is to leave these matters in the hands of the husband and wife.

      Your situation boils down to the situation in which most every frustrated spouse finds themselves … how do I get my spouse to change!? I’ve written articles on the subject and have some Q&A topics that you might want to look into for further suggestions. Good luck. I know it can be frustrating and challenging to work out sexual differences in marriage.

  • buzz September 1, 2007 at 10:07 am

    whatever happened to passionate kissing ? Heck, what happened to passion period !

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