The Lost Art of Kissing


Many couples have lost that lovin’ feeling when it comes to kissing and making out.


When was the last time you and your spouse made out?! Many couples have lost that lovin’ feeling when it comes to kissing and making out.

When couples were dating, kissing was an exciting and savored experience. But after marriage many couples seem to have abandoned sensual, lip-to-lip (face or neck) kissing not only because additional sexual pleasures are now available, but maybe for other more intimate reasons of which they may not be aware.

Sex therapist, Dagmar O’Connor notes that kissing is actually far more intimate than sexual intercourse, because when we kiss, we cannot depersonalize the experience the way we can more easily if we are just “having sex.” Kissing as part of lovemaking makes the experience more intimate, and helps keep the relationship or the emotional connection more present.

Re-awaken the Pleasure


My encouragement to couples is to re-awaken the pleasure and enjoyment not only of kissing within lovemaking, but also to enjoy and engage in more kissing for it’s own sake–you know, making out!

Maybe you can go park somewhere after date night with the conscious agreement to sensually and/or teasingly explore each other’s face, lips, mouth, neck, ears, and eyelids with kissing, nibbling, touching–being as creative as possible–without any pressure or expectation that it will lead to something more.

Get Creative–Have Fun!

Vary the intensity, the tempo, and/or the duration of the kisses. Pause with your faces barely touching to simply breathe each other in. Whatever you do, be playful, tease a little and have fun! Just remember that whatever is going on in your mind is going to come through in your kiss, so keep it positive and lovingly focused.

Some spouses may not like the idea of kissing that doesn’t lead to “something more” especially when they feel that there’s already not enough of the “something more” in their relationship. But learning to re-enjoy kissing for it’s own sake is one of the great ways to also make it easier for lovemaking to more often follow.

If there are specific inhibiting factors that are keeping you from engaging in this important aspect of affection and intimacy then discuss these things with your spouse, and see if you can come up with ideas that would make things better for both of you.


Be sure to tune in to our next few episodes of “The Marital Intimacy Show” for more indepth insights and suggestions to help restore the art of kissing to its pre-marriage status as something anxiously anticipated!


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  • MrShorty March 25, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Good entry. It does sometimes seem like we forget how important kissing can be. Ellen Kriedman talks about a “10 second kiss” and how that can rejuvenate a relationship. Someone else somewhere on the internet asked couples to consider how often they really kissed (outside of lovemaking).

    It can seem like we are kissing all the time, but these seem to be little “pecks” on the cheek. If we’re not careful, we neglect the more involved kisses that, even when they don’t lead to more, can say, “I love you” so effectively.

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