What an awesome offer just for us!! Author and marriage and family therapist, Emil Harker, MS, LMFT, is offering us a free copy of his awesome new book You Can Turn Conflict Into Closeness. Just use promo code “LBfree” to get your copy.*
*UPDATE (11/20/18): This promo code is no longer available.
Here’s what I think about this fabulous book!
Right on! This book hits the nail on the head when it comes to critical components of connection-inducing communication! Couples invariably struggle with effective communication, but the concepts in this book make the skill-building process so much easier and much more powerful. A few simple tweaks may even be enough for many couples to go from mediocre to a marvelous marriage! I will definitely be handing this book out to my clients!
Some of my additional thoughts about the book — You Can Turn Conflict Into Closeness:
- I love the concept of assuming good intent. I often say this to clients as “assume the positive.” It’s a faith-state to get in the habit of seeing things this way!
- I love the concept of being honest with your feelings as being very different than being responsible for your feelings.
- I love the way this book teaches people to think through how they speak and how it may not be leading to their desired outcome. This concept fits into the category of developing greater empathy skills! People have to think through what it would be like for their spouse to hear what they want to say and see how they think the spouse would respond. This is a question I ask a lot (circular questions), “What do you think it’s like for your spouse to hear you say that?” “What do you think your spouse is thinking/feeling right now?”
- I love directions in this book for clear, direct and sensitive communication! Women may not be terribly direct or clear with what they want. I think men are divinely wired as wife pleasers, but they don’t always accurately get the directions wives are trying to send. Clear, direct and sensitive is right on!!
- I love how this book walks couples through the times they’ve been hurt/offended and invites them to answer each of the questions related to the previous principle taught. This is so great for anyone, but especially couples to communicate so much better!
- I love the concept of identifying and responding to the element of truth in criticism instead of letting the whole criticism ruin everything. There is usually some little element of truth if people can get in the habit of looking for and staying focused on taking responsibility for that instead of reacting to the rest of it. This is very connected, in my mind, to the couple’s ability to assume good intent or to maintain an overall state of faith in their personality and interactions.
p.s. If you encounter any difficulties ordering your free e-Book, click on the little icon on the top of the page that says “Cart.” It should open up the page where you can put “LBfree” in the coupon section. If that doesn’t work, please email the author directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.