Laura's Marriage Newsletter header
     "Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
        "Emotional Foreplay -- Mood Music and Movies"
       e-Newsletter #18 -- April 25, 2006  (#06-3)

1~  MARRIAGE TIP -- "Emotional Foreplay--Mood Movies and Music"
"The Spirituality of Sex"
3~  EVENTS -- Radio Interview (Apr 28); BYU Women's Conf. Booksigning
      (May 5); LDS Marriage Network -- Smart Marriages Pre-Conference
      (Jun 22); BYU-Idaho Ed Week (Jun 30); BYU Campus Ed Week (Aug 21)

4~  NEWS -- (1) NEW Talk on CD "Love 101"; (2) Couples' Cruise--Mother's
      Day Special; (3) Printable Book Brochure

READER'S REVIEWS -- "Thanks for your terrific book"
6~  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I have a hard time verbalizing sexual things"
7~  WORDS TO PONDER -- Marriage is last chance to grow up
Post-traumatic growth

1~  MARRIAGE TIP -- "Emotional Foreplay--Mood Movies and Music"

Couples are becoming more cognizant of the fact that husbands and wives
have different mental wiring sexually. Men are often in need of bridling their
passions, whereas women often need to awaken and cultivate their passion.
Where men are usually ready to go in a moment's notice--almost as an
automatic reaction--women generally require mental preparation and emotional
connection (or "emotional foreplay") for their bodies to fully respond sexually.

Emotional foreplay refers to the sexually conducive thoughts and emotional
connection needed to "get in the mood." Women are wired in a way that
requires emotional foreplay for them to get to where most men begin!

Music and movies are excellent sources for cultivating sexual readiness by
stirring romantic thoughts and emotions. Sometimes a song on the radio or
seeing a romantic movie can cause a flicker of arousing thoughts that if
welcomed, encouraged, and directed at our spouse can provide fuel for intimate

Romantic movies, commonly referred to as "chick flicks" often get a bad rap.
When I hear men mocking or complaining about a Jane Austen movie, for
instance, I either give them my "chick flick lecture" or shake my head at the
poor unsuspecting husband that is apparently unaware of the mental and
emotional foreplay such movies provide their wives. The trick for husbands is
to allow their wives to enjoy "mood movies" and "mood music" without any
psychological pressure of strings attached.

Some of the best mood movies are:
~ "Sleepless in Seattle" (1993) with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan
~ "While You Were Sleeping" (1995) with Sandra Bullock
~ "Pride and Prejudice" (1995) with Colin Firth, and (2005) with Keira
    Knightley (Jane Austen book)
~ "A Cinderella Story" (2004) with Hilary Duff (My eight-year-old
    daughter and I both have a crush on Austin Ames!)
~ "Sense and Sensibility" (1995) with Emma Thompson (Jane Austen
~ "Emma" (1996) with Gwyneth Paltrow (Jane Austen book)
~ "Ever After" (1998) with Drew Barrymore
~ "Return to Me" (2000) with Minnie Driver and David Duchovny
~ "Little Women" (1994) with Winona Ryder
~ "Gone with the Wind" (1939) with Clark Gable
~ "The Princess Bride" (1987) with Cary Elwes
To find out more about these movies you can search for information about them
on The Internet Movie Database at:

If you're a country music lover, you'll especially love these songs that can fuel
a romantic mood:
"I Need You" by LeAnn Rimes
"You're My Better Half" by Keith Urban
"I Melt" by Rascal Flatts
"Must be Doin' Somethin' Right" by Billy Currington
"Amazed" by Lonestar
To hear a clip of these songs, search for them here:

Send us your mood movies and music suggestions! We'd love to hear from
you (especially women) on what movies and music work best to get you in the
mood! Maybe we'll even create a resource page listing the "mood movies" and
"mood music" recommendations. We look forward to hearing from you!

2~ ARTICLES -- "The Spirituality of Sex"

Check out Laura's latest Meridian Magazine article on putting spirituality back
into sex:

"The Spirituality of Sex"
     by Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE, Meridian Magazine, March 27, 2006

Sexuality is a sacred and innate part of our being, designed by God not only
for procreation, but also for expressions of love in marriage. There are few
things that can bring greater joy and richness to a husband/wife relationship
than spiritually connected sex.

To read past articles, visit our "Articles" web page at:


3~  AUTHOR EVENTS -- Radio Interview (Apr 28); BYU Women's Conf.
      Booksigning (May 5); LDS Marriage Network -- Smart Marriages
      Pre-Conference (Jun 22); BYU-Idaho Ed Week (Jun 30); BYU
      Campus Ed Week (Aug 21)

Radio Interview on "Healthy, Wealthy, Wow" Grapevine Radio
Friday, April 28 at 10 a.m., 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. (MST)

National radio show broadcast with author, Laura M. Brotherson, on
(Healthy Living Segment--toward the end of the
show); Re-broadcast Thurs, May 57 a.m. and 11 a.m. (MST). Listen in

BYU Women's Conference "Meet the Author"/Booksigning
Friday, May 5, 2006 -- 2:30 p.m. - 8 p.m. (BYU Bookstore, Provo, Utah)
If you are in the area, be sure to stop by to say hello! We look forward to
meeting many of you there.

LDS Marriage Network -- Smart Marriages Pre-Conference
Thursday, June 22, 2006, 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. (Marriott Marquis Hotel, Atlanta, GA)
We encourage all those who are interested in strengthening LDS marriages to
join us at the Smart Marriages conference for the 1st annual "LDS Marriage
Network Smart Marriages Pre-conference." Visit the
Events page ( for the pre-
conference agenda, and the organization's "Mission Statement and Guiding
Principles." To receive additional information about this free conference, or the
LDS Marriage Network, send an email to:
For additional Smart Marriages Conference info, visit:

BYU Idaho Education Week

Thurs, June 29 - Sat, July 1, 2006 (Rexburg, Idaho)
Presentation Series Title: "Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage"
  Fri. Jun 30, 6:30 - 7:25 p.m.  Lecture 1--"The Adventure of Marriage"
  Sat. Jul 1, 11 - 11:55 a.m.     Lecture 2--"Understanding the Intricacies of
                                                    ONEness in Marriage"
  Sat. Jul 1, 12:15 - 1:10 p.m.  Lecture 3--"How Do I Get My Spouse to Change?!"
These classes will be in the Spori Bldg, Room #035

BYU Campus Education Week
August 21 - 25, 2006, BYU Campus (Provo, Utah)
Presentation Series Title:
"Understanding the Intricacies of ONEness in Marriage"

For additional information on these events, visit our "Events" page:

4~  NEWS -- NEW Talk on CD "Love 101"; Couples' Cruise--Mother's Day
      Special; Printable Book Brochure

(1)  *NEW* Talk on CD "LOVE 101--Learning to Love More Meaningfully"

We're thrilled to announce our first exciting Talk on CD entitled, "LOVE 101--
Learning to Love More Meaningfully" now available online

) for just
$10.95 now through May 15. Marriage is about learning to meet each other's
needs for love. What are the specific keys to your spouse's heart? What are the
keys to your heart? You can learn to love your spouse more meaningfully, and
experience the rich rewards of a close and fulfilling intimately connected

(2)  Couples' Western Caribbean Cruise -- Mother's Day Special
NOW is the time to book your "Couples' Valentine's Cruise" to the Western
Caribbean (Marriage Education Week at Sea) Feb. 10-17, 2007. Cruise
Planners and Princess Cruise Lines have a super Mother's Day special going
on for this cruise from Mon. May 8 until Sat, May 13 at 5 p.m. During this time,
take advantage of the significantly reduced deposit of only $200 per couple
(instead of $500)! You'll also receive a Princess Cruise Coupon Book valued at
$120 to use on the cruise. (Applies to new bookings only.) Cruise Planners will
be giving a free copy of the book, "And They Were Not Ashamed--
Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment,"
to all who make their
deposit during this time.

Contact Cruise Planners toll free at (866) 446-4218 to answer all your questions,
and to book your cruise. For more information, and to see fun photos from this
year's Feb '06 cruise, visit our "Couples Cruise" webpage at:

(3)  Printable Book Brochure
The groundbreaking book, And They Were Not Ashamed, is changing marriages
and blessing lives. You can easily share this book by going to the "Book
Information Brochure" link on our Media Page, to print a copy and share with
a friend (

To stay current on "What's New" on the
website visit:

5~  READER'S REVIEWS -- "Thanks for your terrific book"
"Thanks for your terrific book. The great thing about it is its reverent
openness, and its ability to remove the layers of social conditioning
that we can get as Christians. I thought I was pretty much fully
knowledgeable with the issues involved, but the content in the book
has given me and my wife a few further horizons to reach and to
hopefully more freely express the joy that comes from intimate pleasure
with each other. The book shows a great depth of research without
inappropriate material, and as such should be read by many more
couples to keep their relationship fulfilling. Could you come over to
Britain and give some of your seminars here!"
We welcome you to read other reviews, and share your thoughts about the
book, "And They Were Not Ashamed" at:

6~  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I have a hard time verbalizing sexual things"

I have been reading your book, and it has really helped me understand what
my problem has been in our intimate relationship. I'm having a really hard time
with the "homework" you give in the book. I 'know' everything I am reading is
true and good for me to understand, but I just can't get into the mode of
"saying the words."  My husband has been trying to get me to do many of the
things you talk about in your book. How do I get myself over the hurdle? I go
to say, "I like it when..." and that's where it stops. I can "do" things that I can't
think about or verbalize. It causes things to hit a wall in our intimacy.

It can be really hard to open up verbally about sexual things--whether it's in
having a discussion about it with your spouse, or during lovemaking, or in
teaching children about sex and intimacy. You can see in Chapter 6 of our
book some of the reasons sex is such a taboo topic and so difficult to discuss.
Many of us learn that sexual words are bad or dirty, and that we shouldn't say
them. There are all kinds of negative conditioning and emotions associated
with sex that we bring with us into adulthood.

One suggestion would be to start with writing what you would say to finish the
statement, "I like it when...." This can help you to at least process it mentally
to get it on paper, and provides a step in the right direction toward being able
to verbalize these things.

Another suggestion would be to practice saying these things out loud when
you're by yourself. This can help alleviate some of the embarrassment and
discomfort you may be feeling. It may be particularly helpful if you place you
hand on your heart while you practice expressing your thoughts and feelings
on the subject.

I also think the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) that I mention in the
appendix of our book could be very helpful. I know it was valuable to me in
overcoming inhibitions and unproductive beliefs about sex that I really didn't
even know that I had. The EFT works with the energy meridians of the body
where many of our negative thoughts and feelings seem to be stored. Definitely
look into that as well....

For the rest of the answer to this question, and to
check out other questions
and answers, visit our Q&A webpage at:

7~  WORDS TO PONDER -- Marriage is last chance to grow up
"Marriage is our last best chance to grow up." (Joseph Barth)

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with
 the same person."
(Germaine Greer)

8~  MARRIAGE NEWS -- The hidden side of

"Marriage News" is a new feature to share some of the latest news
regarding marriage-related topics.

The Hidden Side of Happiness
By Kathleen McGowan, Psychology Today, February 16, 2006

There is a built-in human capacity to flourish under the most difficult
circumstances. Positive reactions to profoundly disturbing experiences are
not limited to the toughest or the bravest. In fact, roughly half the people
who struggle with adversity say that their lives have in some ways improved.

This and other promising findings about the life-changing effects of crises are
the province of the new science of post-traumatic growth....

Those who weather adversity well are living proof of one of the paradoxes of
happiness: We need more than pleasure to live the best possible life. Our
contemporary quest for happiness has shriveled to a hunt for bliss—a life
protected from bad feelings, free from pain and confusion....

To read the entire article (click here or copy and paste link, without any
spaces/breaks, into web browser):
Stay tuned for more intimacy insights in upcoming Strengthening Marriage
Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at:

If you missed the last few newsletters, you can catch up here:
"Putting Spirituality Back into Sex" -- Marriage Newsltr #17

"Romancing Your Valentine"
-- Marriage Newsltr #16
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter
designed to bless lives, strengthen marriages, and build strong families—
written by the author of the book "And They Were Not Ashamed —
Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment
." Visit for information and articles, or to purchase
the book. We welcome your feedback at

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