Laura's Marriage Newsletter header
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
        e-Newsletter #14 -- November 21, 2005  (#05-9)

1~  MARRIAGE TIP -- "Secrets of the Female Sexual Response"
"What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part II"
3~  EVENTS -- Couples' Cruise Newsletters & Cruise Seminar Topics
4~  NEWS --
(1) Pre-Christmas Prices;  (2) Book as Human Sexuality
      Course;  (3) New Media Page: Link to
      & 'Snow White Writes a Book' News Story;  (4) Send Your Thoughts
to Deseret Book
5~  READER'S REVIEWS -- "We've been missing out on so much"
6~  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I just want to cuddle!"
Love is what you've been through

1~  MARRIAGE TIP -- "Secrets of the Female Sexual Response"

The clinical model of the sexual response leaves out a few important insights
that are vital to mutual intimate fulfillment in marriage. The most glaring
in the response cycle for women is their need for a preparatory
phase. Most women require some degree of mental and emotional warm-up,
in order to fully engage in the sexual experience. Whereas men are usually
ready to go at a moment's notice. Understanding the need for a warm-up
phase allows both husband and wife to work together to meet each other's
needs for intimacy, honoring each other's different sexual wiring. The
Warm-up/Preparation phase serves the following purposes:

(1) Preparing the environment
(2) Relaxing
(3) Preparing mentally
(4) Connecting emotionally, and
(5) Giving the wife's sexual arousal a head start

The next major oversight shows ignorance regarding a significant difference
between male and female sexual desire. For men sexual desire is quickly
attained. Women, who are mistakenly perceived as having weaker sexual
desire, merely require a degree of arousal before their sexual desire is
awakened. Thus, where the sexual response phases tell us that desire
arousal, for many women desire actually follows arousal. It's not
that women are never in the mood, it's just that we often don't understand
what is needed to get in the mood.

Without the efforts and engagement of the Warm-up/Preparation phase it is
difficult for many women to even approach the state of arousal or to feel their
sexual desire.
If the attentive efforts of the warm-up phase still don't seem to
warm up the wife, then emotional and mental inhibitors involving negative and
unproductive thoughts about sex, or other relationship issues are likely at work.

Remember these five T's of the female sexual response: thoughts, tenderness,
talk, touch
and time...

Keeping thoughts about sex (and one's spouse) focused in a positive and
productive direction is crucial to the unfolding of the sexual experience.
Tenderness requires loving interactions that specifically make one's spouse
feel loved and cherished. Conversation is a necessary component for many
women to feel
close and connected mentally and emotionally to their spouse.
Touch reminds us that many women need to experience a degree of sexual
arousal before they feel their sexual desire. Lastly, many women slowly
crescendo into lovemaking rather than experience an immediate response,
thus they require a sufficient amount of unrushed foreplay and stimulation to
reach the heights of ecstasy.

(See Chapters 3 and 4 of "And They Were Not Ashamed" for a more in-depth
discussion of the female sexual response, as well as a list of possible
intimacy inhibitors in Chapter 4.

2~  ARTICLE -- "What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part II--Dealing with
      Sexual Differences in Marriage"

Check out part two of Laura's latest Meridian Magazine article, "What's Okay
and What Isn't". Laura's monthly column is published online every 4th Monday
"What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part II
Dealing with Sexual Differences in Marriage"
      by Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE, Meridian Magazine, Oct 24, 2005 
Determining what's okay and what isn't within the intimate marital
relationship is no easy task! But if we will take the opportunity to seek
God's perspective on these delicate matters, we can develop greater
spiritual self-reliance, and be blessed with greater spiritual insight.

"What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part I
Determining What’s Okay within the Intimate Marital Relationship"
      by Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE, Meridian Magazine, Sep 22, 2005 
What's okay and what isn't? It's the million-dollar question about sex,
and the most requested line of questioning I get. Yet it is also the
single most complex, delicate, and potentially dangerous topic of
discussion there is.

To read past articles, visit our "Articles" web page at:

3~  AUTHOR EVENTS -- Couples' Caribbean Cruise Newsletters &
     Cruise Seminar Topics

Couples' Caribbean Cruise--Seminar Schedule
    February 11-18, 2006 (leaves Ft. Lauderdale, Florida)
Only ten spots remain for the romantic Couples' Cruise getaway to the
Dr. Stephen E. Lamb, M.D. and Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE will
present seminars during the days at sea on the following topics:
Day 1 at Sea
   Lamb -- "Good Hearts and Other Things That Make Marriage Work"
   Brotherson -- "Learning to Love More Meaningfully"
Day 2 at Sea
   Brotherson -- "The Adventure of Marriage--Understanding the
         Intricacies of Intimacy and God's Designs for Marriage"
   Lamb -- "Intimacy in Marriage--A Stumbling Block or a Stepping
Day 3 at Sea
   Lamb -- "Becoming One--Resolving Problems Related to Physical
   Brotherson -- "Cultivating Intimate Desire for Your Spouse"
   Lamb and Brotherson -- Q&A
Call today to learn more and to reserve your place on this fabulous cruise.
For additional details visit our Events page: or click here for a
Couples' Cruise flyer:

Couples' Cruise News
Check out the weekly Couples' Cruise Countdown newsletters at
. You'll find cruise
ship highlights and cruise tips on topics that include the following:

* Fine dining -- 5 course meals; boarding times
* Seminar topics/schedule; dancing each night; free movies under the stars
* Pools; daily dress
* Florida hotel accommodations; golfing; documentation/passports
* Movies; formal dress evenings
For information about other author events visit our "Events" page:

4~  NEWS -- (1) Pre-Christmas Prices;  (2) Book as Human Sexuality
      Course;  (3) New Media Page: Link to
      & 'Snow White Writes a Book' News Story;  (4) Send Your Thoughts

      to Deseret Book

(1) Pre-Christmas Prices
Helping to strengthen one's marriage is one of the best gifts you can give
this Christmas. With great pre-Christmas prices, "And They Were Not
Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment"
makes the
perfect Christmas gift! Whether your loved ones are readers or do better with
audio books, you'll be giving a priceless gift with this insightful book. Join the
many that have ordered multiple copies for their married children, grandchildren,
friends and family. This allows you to take advantage of our FREE SHIPPING
with orders of four or more items. (Special prices good when ordering online
at -- through Christmas '05!)
Softcover book                   $14.95 (reg. $17.95)
Hardcover book                  $19.95 (reg. $22.95)
CD Audio book (12 CDs)     $29.95 (reg. $39.95)
(2) "And They Were Not Ashamed" Book as Alternative Human Sexuality

We were recently contacted by a university professor in Washington to ask
about using our book as an alternative text for some of their master's degree
students who were concerned about the material taught in the required human
sexuality course. We were honored by their request and their efforts to provide
appropriate, yet effective information for those who will be counseling couples
in their marriages.

(3) NEW Media Page -- Links to & "Snow White
     Writes a Book" News Story

In the menu on you'll find a new "Media Page" (still under construction)
that will have many new features such as a News page, Press Kit information,
FAQ page, a Book Brochure (to print) and other Promotional information.

The "Link to" page
( allows anyone to
easily create a link to our website to provide their web visitors with information
and access to our book and website as a valuable marriage resource. Images
and text links with programming code are available. If you have a website or
know of a website that would want to support the effort to strengthen
marriages intimately, we encourage you to take advantage of this web page
and share it with others.

Also on the Media Page on the "In The News" page
( you'll find fun new
news stories, interviews and articles, such as "'Snow White' Writes Book
about Sex" (

(4) Send Your Thoughts to Deseret Book
We continue to work with Deseret Book regarding an opportunity for us to
advertise in their catalog. It may be helpful for them to receive
a little extra
encouragement from readers in order to confidently support our book "And
They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment
Many couples are still searching for answers in all the wrong places because
they don't know where to find in-depth and effective, yet appropriate help for
the difficult and delicate issues they face regarding marital intimacy.

If you would like to share your thoughts about the value of this book and the
importance of getting the word out about it, you can post a brief review of our
book on their website (
and/or send an email to their customer service at:
We appreciate your help with this important endeavor to strengthen many
more marriages!

5~  READER'S REVIEWS -- "We've been missing out on so much"
"I am ever so grateful to have a bold and courageous book like yours
because it says what is needed, not hint at it like so many others do,
leaving you thinking, 'I know I need to know about these things but do
not know where to go that is safe'. I think so often people are afraid
of coming across inappropriate things that we are afraid to study and
learn what helps with sexual intimacy in our marriages. I believe God
expects us to get educated and not act like ostriches putting our heads
in the sand on these issues. I am amazed how much pleasure and joy
me and my husband were missing out on before your book!! Wow!!!
Thanks for opening my dungeon doors and helping me break free of
my self-imposed prison walls.

We welcome you to share your comments at:

6~  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I just want to cuddle!"

Sometimes I just want to cuddle with my husband, but it always seems to
turn into sex. My husband feels bad when I'm not in the mood, but why can't
we just enjoy cuddling sometimes without it leading to something else. What
can I do?

Non-sexual touch, or affection, is a universal human need. Many wives feel
frustrated with the lack of it, or that it always seems to have strings attached.
On the other hand, many husbands feel frustrated with the lack of sexual
touch that seems to be less frequent than they'd like, causing reluctance to
take advantage of any opportunity. Though husbands have a need for non-
sexual touch that is just as significant as their wife's need, the more intense
feelings associated with sex make many men overlook the simpler pleasures
of affection, preferring to skip that stuff and get to the good part! So, the issue
of sexual touch and affection in marriage is often a dilemma for both husband
and wife.

One suggestion I give to couples is to set aside one night a week just for
cuddling, or whatever form of affectionate touch you can both enjoy, with an
understanding that it won't lead to anything else. This mutual understanding
makes it easier for both of you to relax, and learn to enjoy non-sexual touch
for its own sake. For many women this helps them to disconnect any negative
associations they have with touch always leading to something else.

Paradoxically, more affection often helps women to warm up to more intimate
interactions because it feeds her emotional needs for intimate connection and
closeness. Where many women need some emotional and mental warm-up
and preparation time to fully engage in sexual intimacies, this weekly night of
affection goes a long way to help her develop a warmer response to her
husband's sexual interests. With that said, husbands must not go into this
"affection night" idea with any expectations (even non-verbal ones) or it will
defeat the purpose of giving loving touch with no strings attached.

Women must also consider their husband's needs and willingly suggest
another night of the week to be set aside where loving touch can lead to
sexual touch. For women, date night may provide the ideal mental and
emotional warm-up time they need in order to relax and more fully engage in
lovemaking. Having this understanding of at least one night for lovemaking
makes it easier for husbands to relax about sex, knowing that there is a light
at the end of the tunnel! This planned-ahead occasion also gives the wife the
opportunity to mentally and emotionally prepare her heart and mind for a more
enjoyable and fulfilling shared intimate experience.

7~  WORDS TO PONDER -- Love is what you've been through.
"Love is what you've been through with somebody."
        -- James Thurber

Stay tuned for more intimacy insights in upcoming Strengthening Marriage
Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at:

If you missed the last few newsletters you can catch up here:
"More Intimate Intimacy" -- Newsltr #13
"How to Feel More Amorous" -- Newsltr #12
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter
designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the
book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through
Sexual Fulfillment
." Visit for excerpts and
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