|
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
e-Newsletter #10--May 19, 2005 (#05-5) www.StrengtheningMarriage.com . . . MORE exciting developments! CONTENTS
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) MARRIAGE TIP--"Myths about Intimacy in Marriage" 2) ARTICLE--"Why Do I Keep Doing That?--Understanding Why We Sin" 3) EVENTS--Couples' Seminar, BYU Idaho Education Week 4) NEWS--TV/Radio Interviews, Weekly Radio Show w/Laura, "What's New!", Spanish Translation of Article 5) COMMENTS --"Straightforward, relevant, candid advice..." 6) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Why does my wife talk about stuff during sex? 7) WORDS TO PONDER--Marriage and Wholeness ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) MARRIAGE TIP--"Myths about Intimacy in Marriage"
Many myths abound about intimacy in marriage. As we confront the
negative cultural conditioning about sex, keep in mind that some of these beliefs may not necessarily be conscious. They are often underlying assumptions that wreak havoc on sexual fulfillment in marriage. Let's put a few to rest... MYTH #1--Men have a stronger sex drive than women. CORRECT BELIEF--Husbands and wives require different approaches to reach intimate fulfillment. Sexual desire in men and women is differently wired, but each has exquisite sexual potential, if they will learn the intimate intricacies of the sexual response. MYTH #2--Good girls don't. CORRECT BELIEF--Good girls do!...they just wait until marriage. Women (and even some men) must reprogram the negative conditioning they've received about sex, so that they can let go and enjoy within the divinely approved sexual relationship of marriage. When there is little emphasis on the joys and godly purposes of sex within marriage, sexuality in general may seem wrong or bad. There must be an internalized knowledge that sex is a "God-given wedding gift" that can be participated in and thoroughly enjoyed once married. MYTH #3--Sex is for men. CORRECT BELIEF--Men and women are both designed for sexual enjoyment--intended for mutual fulfillment in marriage. The female clitoris has no other function than sexual pleasure, and women can even experience multiple climaxes in lovemaking. These female capacities, as designed by God, were meant to be experienced and enjoyed. MYTH #4--Only those with perfect bodies really enjoy sex. CORRECT BELIEF--Sexual enjoyment is not a function of having a super-model body, but in having a healthy body image. The ability to overlook your imperfections, to be okay with who you are, and to psychologically let go within the sexual experience is significantly more important to sexual enjoyment than is having a great body. MYTH #5--Sexual fulfillment should come naturally. CORRECT BELIEF--Sexual fulfillment requires knowledge and effort. The intricacies of the female sexual response alone require that both men and women become educated sexually. The fact that there is no "one-size- fits-all" method for sexual fulfillment requires that husband and wife also receive intimate instruction from each other. MYTH #6--Sex should happen like it does in the movies. CORRECT BELIEF--Mutually fulfilling intimate relations is a three- dimensional experience--emotional, spiritual and physical. Movies rarely show the individual intricacies of intimacy, and they also incorrectly set a perception that women are perpetually ready and wanting--with little effort on her part or on the part of the man. MYTH #7--If I don't feel continual sexual desire, I must not be a sexual person (or something must be wrong with me). CORRECT BELIEF--Because sexual desire is wired differently in women than men, a lack of knowledge can lead some to believe if they are not like men, they just must not be very sexual. The truth is that women are just as sexual as men, but have been culturally conditioned to downplay or stifle their sexuality. Women (and men) need to have a healthy identity as a sexual being with God-given sexual desires and needs. Do you have any myths you'd like to share, send them to us at:
Ideas@StrengtheningMarriage.com. 2) ARTICLE--"Why Do I Keep Doing
That?--Understanding
Why We Sin" If you haven't already read our recent Meridian Magazine column "Why Do I Keep Doing That?--Understanding Why We Sin" you can check it out at: http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050510sin.html. One reader shared the following response to the article: "I just read your insightful article...and have found some reallyHere are some highlights from the article: “'Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as 3) AUTHOR EVENTS--
Couples'
Seminar, BYU Idaho
Education Week Couples Seminar--"Strengthening Marriages Intimately"For information about additional author events visit our "Events" page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php 4) NEWS--TV/Radio Interviews; Weekly Radio Show w/Laura; What's New!, & Spanish Translation of Article TV/Radio Interviews. Author Laura M. Brotherson has recently 5) COMMENTS --"Straightforward, relevant, candid advice..." "This book is an A-Z resource for any couple that would like toWe welcome you to share your comments at: www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php. 6) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Why does my wife talk about stuff during sex? Question: In the few times my wife and I have sex, she talks about all sorts of things and it drives my buggy. Why does she do that? Answer: It's likely that your wife is not fully aroused or mentally engaged in the lovemaking experience. You can pretty much guarantee if she is still talking about anything that happened that day or what she has to do tomorrow, etc. she is not fully aroused sexually. For women, their minds must "turn on" before their bodies can. Remember that for women sex is a decision, whereas for men it's a reaction. You must do what is needed for her to want to "decide" to engage. She has to consciously choose to participate before arousal can begin, which is then followed by actual desire. (This is very different from how men function!) A husband can help his wife become engaged in lovemaking by giving her some time to slow down, switch gears/transition, and also help her warm up emotionally by engaging in some conversation. Plan to spend some time connecting before lovemaking even begins. This mental/emotional preparation is pretty much essential for most women. I know men might have a hard time understanding this concept, since they don't need any "warm-up" time. They are pretty much ready to go at a moment's notice! In addition to addressing any negative conditioning a wife may have about sex, husbands can remember the four T's of the female sexual response-- Tenderness, Talk, Touch and Time. She needs to feel tenderness and love toward you, which can be enhanced when you are aware of what specifically makes her feel loved and then do those things. She needs you to talk to her, listen, and connect emotionally. Let her clear her mind and begin to fill with loving thoughts through conversation. Touch. Many women do not receive enough non-sexual touch (affection) that doesn't have "strings attached." Within the lovemaking experience they also need sufficient touch/stimulation of the clitoris to become fully aroused. Be sure she gets enough of the kind of sexual touch she likes. (She and you both need to know what that is.) And lastly, be sure you take enough time, or she won't even get up to bat until you've already hit home plate. I'm sure many men can certainly relate to your frustration. Many wives have driven their husbands buggy a time or two by not switching gears and fully engaging mentally and emotionally! In the middle of the action she might remember she wanted to tell him something and doesn't want to forget. It's only if a wife is not fully engaged that she could even think to start such a conversation. But that's what happens when the body may be present, but not the heart and mind. On the other side of talking during sex, many women actually need the auditory stimulation of verbal expression to help them fully engage. This "auditory arousal" that can heighten her excitement can be tender words of love, admiration and desire, or it can be expressions of your own feelings of pleasure, but only if she was sufficiently prepared mentally and wants to be participating. Getting her to even want to engage is usually the hardest part! I'm sorry that women can be pretty complex sometimes... But it's worth the effort to figure her out! 7) WORDS TO PONDER--Marriage and Wholeness
****************************************************
"One of the divinely designed purposes of marriage is to provide opportunities for husbands and wives to overcome their areas of weakness or lack, not only for the purpose of coming together to become ONE, but also for the purpose of restoring WHOLEness to each of them individually." ****************************************************
Stay tuned for more exciting developments in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/signup.php --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news about this valuable new resource. UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Unsubscribe" on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please let us know. All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |