Laura's Marriage Newsletter header
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
        e-Newsletter #7--February 9, 2005  (#05-2)

  ~~~NATIONAL MARRIAGE WEEK--Feb. 7 - 14, 2005~~~

1)  MARRIAGE TIP--Creating "Marriage Traditions"
2)  ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in Families?"
3)  EVENTS--BYU Family Outreach Conference, Mar. 11
4)  IN THE NEWS--Upcoming News Stories
5)  READER'S REVIEWS--The Good Girl Syndrome
6)  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Why is sexual fulfillment so difficult
     for women?
7)  WORDS TO PONDER--Being able to let yourself experience it...

                ~~~HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! ~~~

1)  MARRIAGE TIP--Creating "Marriage Traditions"

Many families have traditions to strengthen their family relationships.
Couples too can initiate regular opportunities to strengthen their marriage
by creating “Marriage Traditions.” Valentine's Day is a great time to
develop ongoing opportunities to build your relationship. Choose loving
behaviors that hold value to both of you, then make them your marriage
traditions. These special occasions and behaviors will engender closeness
and emotional connection as you make your marriage a priority.

What are your marriage traditions? Send us your marriage-strengthening
ideas ( The following are a few
ideas to inspire your own marriage traditions:
        *  Establish nightly routines of couple prayer and expressions of love.
        *  Schedule a weekly date.
        *  Have regular pillow talk time.
        *  On Valentine’s Day update your lists of what makes each of you 
            feel loved.
        *  On your birthdays read and discuss each other’s Patriarchal 
            Blessings (or make a list of each other's strengths).
        *  Have your wedding rings cleaned and polished for your anniversary.
        *  Celebrate your wedding anniversary by attending the temple or by
            returning to visit the place where you were married.
        *  Watch your wedding video or look through your wedding every
            year on your anniversary.
        *  Go on an annual weekend getaway.
(Taken from Chapter 10 "Becoming ONE--Emotional Intimacy" of
the book And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage
through Sexual Fulfillment

2)  ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in Families?"

We've addressed why it is so difficult for husband and wife to discuss
their intimate relationship:
Now let's talk about why it's so difficult for parents to talk to their
children about sex. Here is the link to our most recent Meridian
Magazine article entitled, "Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in

The following are some of the reasons why sex is such a taboo subject
within families, and why parents do not teach their children about
sexuality, nor prepare them sufficiently for intimacy within marriage:
   1.        The mistaken belief that if we talk to our kids about sex, they’ll
              just go out and do it.
   2.        Parents are embarrassed.
   3.        Parents have negative conditioning.
   4.        Parents were not taught by their parents.
   5.        Parents have let Satan dominate the subject of sex.
   6.        Children are embarrassed.
   7.        The parent/child relationship is weak.
   8.        Parents don’t know what to teach, when to teach or how to teach.
(To see past articles visit our "In The News" web page at:

3)  AUTHOR EVENTS--BYU Family Outreach Conference
      March 11, Provo, Utah

Find out what you can do to strengthen families in your own sphere of
influence by joining with family professionals, students, religious leaders,
and community members at the Family Outreach Conference. 

    BYU Family Outreach Conference
    Friday, March 11, 2005, BYU (Provo, Utah)
    * Author Presentation--"Breaking into Taboo Territory--
            Strengthening Marriages Sexually"

    * Author Presentation--"Making it Easy to Develop a
            Marriage Enrichment Program"

    For more information visit

(For information about additional author events visit our "Events" page:

4)  IN THE NEWS--Upcoming News Stories

The good news about the book And They Were Not Ashamed is
continuing to spread! The following newspapers have interviewed author,
Laura M. Brotherson, about her new book and have scheduled to run
a news story:
Thurs. Feb. 10, The Deseret Morning News (Provo, Utah)
Writer--Sharon Haddock; "Utah Valley Life" section
(Also available online at

Thurs. Feb. 10, The Athens Herald-Banner (Athens, Georgia)
Writer--Kimberly E. Mock; "Living" section
(Also available online at

Tues. Feb. 15, The Herald Journal (Logan, Utah)
Writer--Jasmine Michaelson; feature story on female sexual dysfunction
(Not available online)
 We will post links or copies of the articles online at: as soon as we can.

5)  READER'S REVIEWS--The Good Girl Syndrome
"The 'Good Girl Syndrome' must affect millions of women,
even those that don't consider themselves 'good girls'. I was
especially happy and relieved to read one simple statement
that opened doors for me. GOD APPROVES OF SEX and
(here is the crucial point) WANTS YOU TO ENJOY IT!
Logic has always told me that God approves of sex. It's how
we make babies, it's what draws men and women together.
Adam and Eve had sex or no one would be here today to
worry about it! But for most of my adult life what I reasoned
was that it is 'OK' to 'let' your husband have intercourse with
you. But wanting to be kissed and touched or becoming
aroused myself was something I was ashamed to express.
During the times I got turned on and found enjoyment in sex
it was barely over when I would begin to wonder if God was
disappointed in my behavior. I can't over emphasize how much
that simple comment, WANTS YOU TO ENJOY IT, makes the
point of your book come alive for me. Thank you again for
being so insightful. I can't put the book down! It's like you are
answering every question I was never able to put into words."

 (For more reader's reviews or to post your own comments visit:

6)  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Why is sexual fulfillment so difficult
      for women?

Many women seem to lose their desire for sex after marriage, while
men seem to want it all the time. It's really rotten for a woman to
have no desire for sex, but to have to have it anyway. And lack of
desire doesn't always mean having a feeling of shame toward sex
either. Men can have an orgasm with the snap of their fingers,
while it takes a master mind to achieve it for women. Why did God
create men and women this way?  It's not fair.

I can certainly relate to your frustrations. It wasn't so long ago that I too
had a difficult time understanding why God would make physical fulfillment
so easy for a man and so difficult for a woman. It seemed to me that the
female sexual response was something akin to rocket science! Studies
show that nearly 30% of women struggle with reaching orgasm, and there
is a significant number of women who have yet to even experience an
orgasm for the first time. Can you imagine how men would feel about
sex if they rarely experienced a climax? I expect they might feel much
the same way you do.

I do not believe men have a stronger sex drive, or that women have a
weaker sex drive. I believe men and women simply have "different" sex
drives, and that we have yet to fully understand our different sexual wiring
well enough to comprehend how to create the mutual fulfillment God
intended in marriage.

It is true that sexual fulfillment is relatively simple for men and is more
complex for women, but women also have a greater capacity for sexual
pleasure as evidenced by their ability to have multiple orgasms.

I also agree that you don't necessarily have to have shame associated with
sex to hate it. I would be quite amazed with any woman if she could
honestly say she loved to have sex all the time when she never or rarely
experienced an orgasm. Feelings of failure may also accompany the
sincere, but ineffective attempts to experience the ecstasy of orgasm.
Wives that say they hate sex or see it as a "wifely duty" may simply be
tired of trying. They may wonder what's wrong with them or they may
develop some anger with God for making sex so difficult for women. These
are all understandable feelings.

But over time I have found that there is purpose in all things. While it does
take a significant amount of time and effort for a husband and wife to learn
how to fulfill each other's intimate needs, I am beginning to see the wisdom
in God's divine design for men's and women's differences. Both husband
and wife have an opportunity to stretch and grow in ways that will
ultimately create great joy and closeness, as they learn how to become
more whole, more ONE--emotionally, spiritually and physically. Women
are definitely designed to experience all the joys of sexual fulfillment.

I hope you will get a hold of my book And They Were Not Ashamed and
read chapters 3 and 4 that go into great detail regarding the female sexual
response, and also chapter 5, which identifies the many sexual differences
between men and women. Understanding sexual differences can help
couples have greater empathy for each other as they change their thinking
from "Why does my spouse have to be this way?" to "How can we make
this work together?" I hope you'll hang in there and know that there is
hope. I believe you'll find it. God bless you in your efforts to find mutual
fulfillment in your marriage!
7)  WORDS TO PONDER--Being able to let yourself experience it...
"Orgasm isn't just something that a man with intimate knowledge
and skillful stimulating techniques provides a woman--It is something
she must also be willing and able to let herself experience."

                                                ~~And They Were Not Ashamed, p. 51

Stay tuned for more exciting developments in upcoming Strengthening
Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-newsletter archive at:
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter
designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of  the
exciting new book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage
through Sexual Fulfillment
." Visit for
excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author
welcomes your feedback at
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