Laura's Marriage Newsletter header
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
        e-Newsletter #12--August 10, 2005  (#05-7)

1~  MARRIAGE TIP--"How to Feel More Amorous"
2~  ARTICLE--"God's Wedding Gift--Why Save Sex for Marriage"
3~  EVENTS--BYU Education Week Booksigning, Couples' Cruise
4~  NEWS--Weekly Radio Show; Article; 3rd Printing
5~  READERS' COMMENTS --"I have learned what married sex could
       and should be like."
6~  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--"Safe place to find lingerie...?"
7~  WORDS TO PONDER--lifetime contract; marriage achievement

1~  MARRIAGE TIP--"How to Feel More Amorous"
"I was never in the mood, and I didn't know how to get there. I wanted
to have that closeness with my husband, but just didn't know how to
get my body to want it."

"I'm just not a sexual person."
These are some of the common complaints I hear from women who would like
to be more "into" intimacy with their husbands, but just don't feel like they are
ever in the mood or that they even have the capacity to be in the mood. Feeling
amorous and sexy is a state of mind that must be nurtured. For women sex
begins in the mind. Women often need to be proactive in generating sexual
thoughts and feelings, and developing their sexuality.

Feeding her mind with intimate, romantic thoughts about her husband, and
letting those emotions begin to stir her heart can help a woman feel more
sexy and amorous as a person. The counsel so often given to control or inhibit
sexual thoughts and feelings may be helpful for men, whose primary challenge
is often to control their sexuality, but is often counterproductive for many
women, whose primary challenge is to awaken and free their sexuality.
Women need to know that sexuality is good and of God. They then need to
welcome sexual thoughts and feelings toward their spouse, as they seek to
cultivate a state of mental preparation for sexual expression.

A universal change in focus from wanting to want "sex" to wanting to want
"your husband" is needed to personalize sexual desire, and give it a richer
intent. This mental switch can help encourage sexual feelings and allow
amorous desire for your spouse to be a more constant companion.

2~  ARTICLE--"God's Wedding Gift--Why Save Sex for Marriage"

Don't miss our recent Meridian Magazine article "God's Wedding Gift--Why
Save Sex for Marriage." You can find it here:

Here are some highlights from the article:
“Sex is worth waiting for, worth learning about, and worth developing
solely within the intimate, committed and connected relationship that
exists only within marriage."

"The quick thrill of succumbing to a sexual experience pales in
comparison to the permanent thrill of overcoming great odds to
maintain sexually purity for marriage."

"Condoms do nothing to protect one from the psychological ravages
of sex outside the bonds of marriage."

"Parents must believe sex is something worth waiting for, if they want
to be effective at convincing their children."

"Parents are still the most influential factor in teens’ decisions about

"Those who save sex for marriage can also be absolutely sure that
sex within marriage will be the best they’ve ever had!"
To read past articles, visit our "In The News" web page at:

3~  AUTHOR EVENTS-- BYU Education Week Booksigning;
      Couples' Caribbean Cruise
"Meet the Author"/Booksigning — Thursday, Aug 18, 5 - 7 p.m.
BYU Bookstore, BYU Campus Education Week (Provo, Utah)

If you will be in Utah at the time of BYU Education Week, be sure to
stop by the BYU Bookstore to say hello, and if you have not already
done so, pick up a copy of our book "And They Were Not Ashamed."
(Click here for a campus map--Bldg #14:

Couples' Caribbean Cruise--Valentine’s Day Week
(February 11-18, 2006)

Here is the perfect Christmas gift and Valentine's Day gift for your
sweetheart--a romantic Couples' Cruise getaway with Stephen Lamb,
M.D. and Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE as speakers. Don't wait 'til the
last minute to reserve your place on this fabulous cruise. Register by
September 15th to get this great price, and to be assured a place with
this group. The demand for cruises has increased and you don't want
to miss out. For details visit our Events page: or click here for a
Couples' Cruise flyer:

For information about additional author events visit our "Events" page:

4~  NEWS--Weekly Radio Show; Article; 3rd Printing
(1) Weekly Radio Show about Intimacy. Dr. Liz Hale and author, Laura
M. Brotherson enjoy a thought-provoking discussion each week on the
delicate, yet vital topic of sexual intimacy in marriage. Tune in every
Thursday from 10:30 - 11:45 a.m. on Utah's AM820 or online at Recent topics have included:

    * How to Feel Sexy
    * The Power of Touch
    * Why Save Sex for Marriage
    * Seeking Professional Help--When, Why & How
    * Learning to Enjoy Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
    * The Dangers of Sexual Dissatisfaction

On the page click on the link
"Download the FREE Real One Player here" to download the media
player (check your pop-up blocker), then tune in each week. For more
information visit:

(2) Articles on "The Adventure of Marriage" article
was recently picked up by You can check it out at:

(3) "And They Were Not Ashamed" Preparing for 3rd Printing. We are
excited to be preparing for the third printing of "And They Were Not
Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment."
appreciate your enthusiasm for this book, and hope you'll continue to
share this valuable resource, and bless many lives. We will only be
printing the softcover books (and CD audio book), so if you want a
hardbound copy be sure to get your copy today at:

5~  READERS' COMMENTS --"I have learned what married sex could
      and should be like."
"I used to be so full of anger and resentment every time my husband
and I were intimate. I wanted my husband's sex drive to disappear! I
thought I would be fine to never have sex again. I was never able to
see sex an as expression of love. To me it was just a way of satisfying
carnal lust....Since you and your book have helped me so much I
wanted you to know how wonderful things are now....I finally feel like
sex is the ultimate way for me to express my love to my husband AND
for me to feel love from him....I feel like I was given permission to
enjoy and be grateful for my sexuality....My husband asked me not too
long ago what happened...I told him that I had made the choice to
make intimacy an important part of our marriage. This has empowered
me. I have learned what married sex could and should be like. I have
even learned to appreciate my husband's sex drive and his masculinity.
Also, reading about teaching my children about sex made me change
too. I realized that I wanted my daughters to love sex. How could I tell
them it was wonderful if I didn't believe that myself?...I am so thankful
for you and your book."

We welcome you to share your comments at:

6~  STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--"Is there a safe place to buy lingerie
      on the internet?"

Is there a safe place to go to buy lingerie on the internet? I'm afraid of running
into people I know in stores who may not understand, and online I feel like I
am viewing pornography when looking for lingerie.

This is a tricky question. Most every sexual question that could be asked
requires some careful personal consideration of yourself, your spouse, your
relationship and your vulnerabilities. I definitely recommend seeking divine
guidance on this or any sensitive and delicate question. Even the question
of using lingerie itself within the intimate relationship is very personal and up
to the individual and couple. Lingerie can be useful for women in helping
them feel more amorous and sexy. Men tend to be stimulated visually, so
lingerie is often a welcome addition to lovemaking. But every couple must
determine what they are comfortable with, and what they feel is acceptable
within the intimate relationship of marriage.

The only truly "safe" place to shop for lingerie is in a regular department
store. Thankfully most department stores from Dillards to Wal-mart carry
nice lingerie, so you don't have to shop in questionable outlets. The benefit of
shopping in actual stores is not having to see real people dressed in the
outfits, but there is that chance of running into someone you know. If a couple
has determined that lingerie is an acceptable part of intimacy, and has a
conviction of the goodness of sexual intimacy in marriage then they need not
be ashamed if they do happen to run into someone they know! It might even
be beneficial in helping to overcome unnecessary inhibitions about sex.

Finding lingerie online can be quite tricky. I am not familiar with everything
that might be available online, but I believe there are a few Christian sites
that use only mannequins to model their lingerie. While I have not reviewed
this entire site and every product, this is one site that seems to be the safest
so far for lingerie: (click on "Lingerie"). Other sites
blur their photos to make them as appropriate as possible, but still may be
too risky.

While women can be at risk with regard to visual sexual material, they tend to
be less susceptible, and may find it safer to shop online than their husbands.
Again, every couple needs to be aware of their individual weaknesses and
susceptibility to sexual information of any kind, to be sure that it does not
detract from or weaken the sexual relationship of husband and wife. The
intent of any sexual "addition" to lovemaking should be to strengthen the
relationship and allow greater intimate enjoyment of each other.

7~  WORDS TO PONDER--lifetime contract; marriage achievement
"Motto for the bride and groom: We are a work in progress with a
lifetime contract."
      Phyllis Koss


"The development of a really good marriage is not a natural process.
It is an achievement."
David and Vera Mace


Stay tuned for more exciting information in upcoming Strengthening Marriage
Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at:

If you missed the last few newsletters you can catch up here:
"God's Wedding Gift" -- Newsletter #11

"Myths about Intimacy in Marriage"
-- Newsletter #10
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter
designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the
book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through
Sexual Fulfillment
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