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This book has done more for my marriage than I thought possible. My husband and seemed to start off great in our intimate relationship, but as we tackled a long battle with a multitude of health problems (many of which affected my desire) I began to wonder if we would ever be happy again. As I searched one day on the internet for a solution to what seemed the insurmountable prolem of me never wanting to be intimate with my husband, I found your book. I bought it hoping for the best but not expecting much of anything. I have never been so grateful to be guided to a solution. This book has changed my life. It taught me to be open and communicate with my husband about things I felt were so sacred they should not be talked about all the time. My parents were always open with me, but somewhere I developed the idea that once you know the mechanics of it all and undestood it was okay to enjoy a physical relationship in a marriage, I no longer needed to discuss it. I also felt that my husband should just know what to do like all the guys on TV and in movies. This book opened both our eyes to each others needs and in learning to communicate in our physical relationship, every other part of our relationship has grown as well. I can't thank Laura enough for her willingness to write this book. I wish every couple had one to read and reread. It has helped make my marriage an eternal journey rather than a daily dose of resentment. (And I love "bed time" more than ever!)
Subject:
help
Date:
May 7 2008
Comments:
I read your words to husbands to be patient and pray and avoid making wife feel bad. When I see her, I think about loving her and then I feel bad that we aren't going to love any time soon and then I get discouraged and feel like I have no say in the matter and then I feel like she has all the power because if I don't do something that makes her happy - she will not love me intimately. I try not to think about it. I pray. I have even tryed to avoid her. Currently we are not talking about any topic except day to day superficial stuff. She said we both have dug in our heels. I told her I'm done, I quit. Help
Subject:
Thanks for all you do
Date:
April 20 2008
Name:
Ricky and Shelly
Comments:
Thank you for what you are doing. You and your husband are brave people and are doing a lot of good. We saw your book advertised in an email and we bought the book. It was kind of unusual for us to buy the book but we did. It was not a coincidence. The knowledge and faith shared in the book have blessed our marriage. We appreciate how you are helping to restore the sancitiy of sex in the marriage relationship. Indeed, as Satan tries to destroy and pollute that which is holy, we need to hold up the Lord's standard for all to see. The sexual relationship between a man and a woman is sacred and holy. You present this concept with great dignity in your book. May the Lord bless you and your husband as you continue to bless and enrich couples' marriages. Thank you.
Subject:
A True Gift
Date:
April 15 2008
Name:
Annie
Comments:
Laura Brotherson touches on a subject that is much needed but avoided and shame-based in most Christian circles. I bought this book for me and for my husband, we appreciate it so much that I bought it for my daughter and her husband to read together. It is written beautifully and honestly and I feel must have been inspired. It is LDS based, but I agree with other reviewers that it would be very helpful to any woman or couple. I'm so thankful for her courage and I believe she must have been inspired to write it, especially to share her own personal pain and frustrations with false, though well-meaning, but very harmful messages of female sexuality in general but most especially in a religious context. I am an incest survivor, so the book has been an essential part of my healing and in developing a healthy sexual identity. There are many ways that I have been harmed sexually, however, and one of them is without a doubt the destructive messages given to women, young and old, and the obvious avoidance of open discussion about something so important and essential to a woman's well-being, and in the LDS context; marriage and her eternal role. I would suggest this as a gift for any woman you love and care about. Equally important though, I would suggest it for any good man that wants to truly love, understand, honor, and fulfill his wife in the way I believe God intended. Unfortunately, men, young and old, are also severely misinformed, not educated, and just plain taught WRONG about female sexuality. I so appreciate Laura Brotherson's courage, effort, and truly inspired willingness to share such important truths.
Subject:
Thank you
Date:
April 14 2008
Name:
Mat
Comments:
Thank you so much for coming to speak to our BYU Human Sexuality class. You are amazing and inspiring to me. I hope to some day write a book also. I am so grateful that you are willing to address such an unspoken topic. God Bless.
Subject:
Thank you for your book
Date:
March 21 2008
Name:
klover
Comments:
Laura, I wish to thank you for your book "An They Were Not Ashamed." My wife and I have read most, if not all, of it several times; It is helping my wife feel better about herself and our intimacy - especially sexual.
My wife is involved in a book club and has the opportunity of suggesting the next book. I took encouragement from a reader that she had offered to read this book in her book club. I too believe we need to treat this subject as sacred ... the key is "sacred" and "to treat" -- thus far I believe our LDS culture/my family has much to improve upon. My parents and church leaders taught me little about sex; I do not remember them ever exposing its highest purpose of bonding husband and wife. My wife grew-up hearing the "thou shalt not's" about this subject in almost every young women meeting. I feel so cheated and retrade it is hard to not be angry.
Thank you, Thank you, for addressing this subject as a professionally trained women; it carries a lot more weight than if a man wrote it --- he would be thought of as selfish, inconsiderate, one-tracked.
Subject:
Book Reviews
Date:
March 20 2008
Name:
klover
Comments:
Laura and friends,
My wife and I have struggled with our sexual intimacy for nearly ten years. Almost always she can do without sexual intimacy. Within the last year we finally experienced an orgasm for her. Most of the time she does not know what she needs for arousal. She is taking some hormone supplements which have sometimes helped. I continue to try my best to cherish her and seek emotional intimacy.
In my quest to be a better lover for her and for me I have seen some books which I am interested in such as:
"She Loves God, Me, ... and Sex!" by Robert Irwin
"Sexual Skills for the Christian Husband" by Robert Irwin
"Lick By Lick" by Michael Webb
Laura and/or friends, does anyone have an opinion about these self-help books or any other which may help us improve our lovemaking?
I would greater appreciate your perspective.
Subject:
Wonderful cruise!
Date:
March 12 2008
Comments:
We had a wonderful trip on the Valentines 2008 Couples Cruise! The weather was amazing, the islands were stunning, the ship was cool and the company was the best. We were in bathing suits almost every day and did things like snorkeling, kayaking, snorkeling, sun bathing, snorkeling, hiking, etc. In the evenings, we were making friends with the couples in the group, EATING, and dancing, and spending time in the spa. Cruising is soooooo fun!
We had such a good time getting to know everyone and learning more about our marriage. Laura's seminars made a good cruise great by keeping our focus on each other rather than outside problems and concerns. It is so refreshing to learn about sexual responses/differences, communication, and even anatomy from a source that is not raunchy or too revealing. Laura and her husband are younger than expected but Laura is so knowledgeable and passionate (no pun intended) about the subject that you feel so comfortable learning from her. I would definitely recommend reading her book even if you don't think that you are struggling. It has so much information for women and for men. I cannot say that the cruise solved all of our issues but we are working on it, and doing alot of "homework". Wink! Wink! My husband and I have told everyone who will listen about how great it was so, Laura, you will have to be an extra good student and hurry through your graduate program so that we can plan another one. We may double the attendance with a group from our circle of friends! We feel like we have made a whole group of new friends!
Subject:
Thanks 4 the Couples Cruise
Date:
March 11 2008
Comments:
Thank you for all of your wonderful advice on the cruise. I had been looking forward to meeting you for a long time and enjoying time with my wife, and learning more from you. You exceeded my expectations! I really admire you for following your dream and am so thankful for all the
good you are accomplishing. This world needs you, so keep up the good work! Satan must really be stomping around as you move intimacy back to the place God intends it to be!
On a related note I wanted to congratulate you for embarking on your advanced education! Speaking from experience (I went to law school at night while working full-time and with two young children at home.) I know
it's very challenging and there's a reason why so few actually do this-it's hard work!!! On the bright side, at least you love the subject matter!!! There might be days you wonder why you ever thought of going back to school, I know as I get older it gets harder! Please know you're on a
noble mission, and I'm sure the powers of Heaven will come to your aid.
Thanks again, you're a real blessing, and if we save our pennies maybe we can see you on another cruise someday! All the best!
Subject:
Good boys and girls DO!
Date:
February 1 2008
Name:
mikeutah
Comments:
I want to thank Laura for her book the good it has brought to our marriage. It gave us the "permission" we needed to do more "intimate learning" and discover the true bliss that keeps on getting better. I never thought physical intimacy could be so fulfilling for both me and my wife and we've just started getting the idea of how to enjoy and focus more on each others pleasures more than our own. After 7 years of marriage we finally feel like we are enjoying physical intimacy the way we thought we would on our honeymoon! I am finally transforming my behavior to become the knight in shinning armor that my true love deserves! Something that definately didn't come naturally based on the example I had from my dad (didn't help around the house much etc). I can't wait to see where we are in the realms of intimacy at the end of the next 7 years! Thanks again Laura for your wisdom and insights. I especially appreciate your articles on "What is/isn't Okay" and better undestand that it's up to each individual couple and the Lord and what may be right and holy for one couple, may be destructive and offensive to another couple. It all has to do with our inhibitions, level of spirituality, and most importantly, our intent. I see that more clearly than ever and am grateful for the many ways the Lord has provided us to enjoy sexual intimacy fulfillingly! Thanks again!
Subject:
re: if it aint broke, don't fix it
Date:
January 24 2008
Name:
letsbefriends
Comments:
Pauly, I think it was broke, you just didn't know it. Better to find out now, when you can do something about it, than after something more devastating happens. Some heated discussions about your intimate life with the man you have committed eternity to may be needed to fix it. If so, then calm down, listen and see if there isn't something that the two of you can learn together.
Subject:
Spreading the word
Date:
January 17 2008
Comments:
My wife was very impressed with your book - especially the good girl concept. She got her mother to read it as well. She told one of her friends about it, and the next thing she knew it was the next book to be read at the monthly book club. The Stake leadership heard about the book club discussion and asked my wife to give a small seminar at the next Stake Super Saturday. It was well received and she has since been asked to give the topic at other wards and Stakes. She doesn't feel very adequate giving the talk, as she considers herself no expert. But with your book and words from the prophets, it has been well received. This is a very important topic in this day of sexual confusion and your book is a good help. Thanks for writing it and your tenderness towards the subject.
Subject:
Thank you for the wonderful book!
Date:
January 12 2008
Name:
An LDS Bishop
Comments:
Thank you for your wonderful book and for helping us get the books at
the wholesale price for our ward. We created a Powerpoint presentation
from your book then gave it to over 60 couples during our third hour
of our meetings on a Sunday. We also gave a copy of your book to each
couple. We consider it a small investment for the tremendous good it
will do. The book and presentation was very well received. Our focus
was chapters 8 through 12 which emphasize oneness through emotional,
spiritual and physical intimacy. One man in our ward told me that his
wife finished reading the whole book by 10 pm that Sunday night! I
have been using the book as a counseling tool as bishop to great
effect for several years. If I could only get every couple to read it!
Some couples from our ward missed the original presentation, so we are
giving the presentation several times again to those that missed it.
This effort correlates with one of our ward goals for 2008, which is
to bring couples closer together through courting and communication.
Thank you again for the wonderful book!
Subject:
Laura's Reply to "If it ain't broke..."
Date:
January 9 2008
Name:
Laura M. Brotherson
Comments:
Pauly, I can certainly feel for you and your frustration over your relationship. It reminds me of the time a husband told me he had thought that he and his wife had a perfect marriage, but as they were taking my marriage and family relations course at the time, he was a bit frustrated that his marriage wasn't as he had imagined. It may be tempting to go with the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" mentality, but often one or the other spouse is feeling a lack somewhere in the relationship, which inevitably puts the relationship in a vulnerable and potentially dangerous state. Reading books like mine is a valuable way to find those potential holes and do something about it preventatively. I mention in the book how when we want to change something it sometimes seems like we create a bigger mess in the interim. When you clean out and organize a closet you do tend to create an initial mess that then turns into order and a much nicer closet. I hope you will at some point be able to see that the pain and frustration you are currently experiencing will change into something so worth the effort. This is why so many couples live a parallel/mediocre marriage--emotionally, spiritually, sexually--because they aren't willing to go through the pain of personal growth. It can be a real challenge when you're in the thick of the refining fire. I can just give my two cents that the struggle, the time, the effort and the pain is worth it. There was a time in my own life that I thought exactly as you do now, that I should have just left well-enough alone. I'm very glad I pushed through it. I hope you will too.
Subject:
If it ain't broke ....
Date:
January 6 2008
Name:
Pauly
Comments:
Our sex life wasn't perfect, but we had a solid relationship, and had sex regularly.
Since picking up this book four months ago, we do nothing but fight about sex now. All the time.
If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.
