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We welcome your comments about our books and CDs, this website, our newsletters, and author events, etc. If you would like to post a question for feedback or discussion, please post it on our "Open Forum 3 Discussions" page at "Laura's Strengthening Marriage Blog."
Our weekly podcast show "The Strengthening Marriage Intimately Show" will hopefully be coming soon to The Women's Information Network at www.TheWINOnline.com. We've recorded quite a few of the shows, but we're just waiting now for our individual podcast website to get set up. (You'll see the first few of them there.) We hope it will be ready to go soon!! We'll let everyone know on the "What's New" page and on our blog as soon as we know more.
Subject:
Weekly podcasts
Date:
August 25 2008
Name:
klover
Comments:
Laura,
Where are your weekly podcasts?
Subject:
Great Book!
Date:
July 29 2008
Comments:
I've been married for nine years now and I found this book to be a fabulous tool to take the drudgery out of sex. It gave me a healthier, more inspired view of it and it's been great for our marriage. I just need to keep it up!
Subject:
The Wait is Over!
Date:
July 26 2008
Name:
Bumbli
Comments:
Hey, Laura! You nailed it! I've been an active LDS woman all my life, married in temple, husband a bishop, son(s) on mission, etc. and have always yearned for a book like yours. Church books were talky-talky about 'communication' and general 'intimacy'. Bland read-between-the-lines stuff. No one tackled sex. I didn't even bother with them. I went to the library and book stores and read "Joy of Sex " and the 'Kamu Sutra' and stuff on site but felt I couldn't have those books hanging around the house since there's that blurry line between 'porn' and 'instruction'. My parents were very open and frank about sex and the joys therein, but behind closed doors with your own husband can be a different thing. Anyway, marriages need to be spicy, fun, loving, lustful, and joyful. I have been in pursuit of that for a few years now and with your book I feel absolutely liberated and vindicated! I have always felt that what goes on behind the bedroom door is a couples' business but now I can reconcile all my sexual feelings and needs without being/feeling 'defiant'. That defiance (and even anger) sometimes put me at odds that I was somehow doing something wrong or 'risque'. I felt I was having to excuse/explain myself and no doubt raised a few eyebrows. But very often, I saw a glimmer in another sister's eye that I had touched a nerve and she wanted liberation, too. After reading the book, I am at ease now. I feel more spiritual about sex because I don't feel defiant about what I thought were 'edgy' attitudes. I respect my temple covenents...but behind closed doors there's a time for sexy, too! My husband loves beautiful/sexy lingerie...and I love wearing it because I feel good knowing he makes me feel desirable--and he loves it too!. Sisters! Don't be shy or ashamed to be beautiful and sexy in your marriage. Book a weekend get-a-way and loll around naked for 3 days! Go skinny-dipping with your husband! It'll do you both wonders! Don't leave sex to chance or when you 'both 'feel' like it. In today's busy life, when does that happen? Decide on day(s) of the week when you will be intimate. Period. Now, you (and hubby) have lead-time to 'get into the groove', anticipate it, mentally push things away, no excuses, no double-booking, get yourself ready (him too)--plan it. It may be hard to psyche yourself up initially, it may feel artificial...but soon it becomes a much anticipated encounter. Our marriage/sex life is getting better and better. Our sons see marriage and intimacy as good thing but with your book, it liberates us all! --And, I can have the book hanging around the house without squirming! Everyone should read it! As bishop, I know my husband could help a lot of couple with this book!
This book will be the engagement gift of choice and when my sons marry in the temple, they'll get a copy-- with a set of edible body paint, to boot!
Subject:
I second that
Date:
July 11 2008
Comments:
Wow. I have to second the previous endorsement of Laura Brotherson’s book, And they were not Ashamed. It changed my life. My husband had porn problems before we got married (17 years now). I haven’t talked to him about it for a long time, but I am pretty sure he’s conquered it. (time for a talk?) Laura teaches how to think about sex in a positive way. It is a gift from our Heavenly Father that Satan tries desperately to destroy.
Subject:
Healing our marriage
Date:
July 11 2008
Comments:
This is my second marriage. My first broke up over porn addiction. I found out last year that my current husband suffers from the same.
I’ve read the book Confronting Pornography but I (personally speaking) would only recommend it to the addicted spouse. For my husband, it read as though someone had followed him his whole life and helped him understand that he’s not a bad person, he suffers from an addiction and it can be beat.
In my own quest for discovery and truth I came across the book Codependent No More. This helped me see my own devastation and reactionary behavior in a more compassionate light. I’m not a bad person and am not destined to be miserable, but I cannot live my life with the perceptions I’ve had. I cannot perceive myself the way I perceive that someone else see me (read that a couple times to make sense). I’ve had to realize that I’m not in control of certain things and that the one thing I can control is me: my reaction, my self-esteem, my personal worth and my relationship with Heavenly Father. Once I hand those over to anyone, including my spouse, I’m no longer in control and am set up for an inevitable fall.
Trying to understand sexuality in a more spiritual light, I ran across this book And They Were Not Ashamed by Laura Brotherson. (I was sexually abused for 11 years as a child and nearly raped twice by two men I had once called “friend”.)
This book opened an avenue in my marriage which I’ve not known was possible. It’s so personal and difficult to articulate that I’d just have to ask you to buy it and find out for yourself. Once my current husband and I were able to discuss our intimate relationship more openly, once he understood his sexual nature to be a boon in marriage rather than a necessary evil which fed into a porn addiction, he was able to open up emotionally, spiritually and intellectually to me. No matter how hard I tried to encourage him beforehand, reading this book was what he needed and showed me how to gain the testimony of sexuality that I so desperately needed also. It’s truly an inspired book and is the catalyst for much healing in our marriage.
Subject:
Thanks
Date:
July 10 2008
Name:
Jason
Comments:
Laura, You are amazing! Your book has answered so many questions, feelings and thoughts I have had and misunderstood about intimacy in marriage. My thinking has flipped a 180. My wife laughs at me now that after 10 years of marriage that I finally understand her(or women in general). I don't know if I will ever fully understand her(lol), but I do know that it has changed my life on how I can truly love my wife and strengthen our marriage. I guess you can say I have a strong testimony of those things you teach are in good light and is what god has intended for us to know and understand about our spouse and how we think. It has definitely humbled me to the core.
I am putting the effort to make sure my wife and I have a date night. That alone has worked wonders. My wife loves surprises so half the time she has no idea what we are doing which keeps everything exciting.
Every married couple should read this book and discuss this with their spouse. You might be surprised how your communication level will increase with your spouse just by talking about intimacy. At first, as for me, it was very uncomfortable and somewhat painful to talk and hear some of the things said, but in the end I felt more emotionally close to my wife and felt more love for her than I ever have. It was amazing!!!
I am contemplating on going on the next couples cruise Laura sets up. If I could, I would try to surprise my wife with this one. Thanks again Laura for being so bold and willing to talk about a sensitive subject especially in this naive Utah community. I know you have blessed so many lives with your information especially mine.
Thanks
Date:
July 8 2008
Name:
Dale
Comments:
I loved the book. I read it a few years ago and look back through it for help and tips once in awhile. I wish my wife would read it too. I use it as a reference when talking to couples about marriage differences. I wish I could remember to apply more of the teachings to be a better husband and father.
Subject:
Laura A Question
Date:
June 26 2008
Comments:
Reading Steve's comments what is your stand on lingerie. Does you book discuss the topic?
Subject:
My apologies ...
Date:
June 20 2008
Name:
Steve
Comments:
I just wandered over to the Blog and saw "Many have been using the comments section for a makeshift blog" and said "Yep that's me!"
Sorry, I was coming here to see if could delete the comment and repost it on the blog!
Thanks!!!
Subject:
Steve's "Inbounds out of Bounds" discussion
Date:
June 20 2008
Name:
Laura M. Brotherson
Comments:
Hi Steve, I hope you won't mind us moving this discussion to the comments under the "What's Okay What Isn't Sexually" post on the Blog (under Sept 2007). Here's the link: http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/sex/whats-okay-what-isnt-sexually/. The Blog is better for these kinds of discussions 'cuz it's easier to follow the thread of the discussion, and there are more formatting capabilities making the posts easier to read. You have good questions though. It's a common scenario for many couples. I will also post a few comments there as well.
Subject:
Inappropriate Inhibitions Question
Date:
June 19 2008
Name:
Steve
Comments:
Sorry to dominate this commment page, but I have one more question I'd like to get your opinion on. In this talk about our different lists of appropriate and inappropriate, I noticed what I think is a common thread in her list. While I know you don't want to be the "bedroom police" or "permission giver", I think this might be generic enough to be in the "teach correct principles and let them govern themselves" catagory. My dear wife told that she thinks that "everything" that drips or leaks or sqirts out of "me" is gross. So that perception of "gross" dictates many of the things that are different on our lists. Any activity that results in anything "gross" from me ending up anywhere but one place is "inappropriate" and "out of bounds" (or at the very least "very uncomfortable").
I see this as an example of "good girl syndrome" and an inappropriate inhibitation. She sees this as simple common sense and an unfortunate fact of life. Is it too far into the "bedroom police" department to comment on if that perception from her is an inappropriate inhibition or not?
Subject:
Understanding boundaries
Date:
June 19 2008
Name:
Steve
Comments:
Hello,
Thank you very much for your response. I sorry that the formatting was not clear. Basically, the list was several things that I think are or should be "in bounds" that my wife feels are either "right at the edge" or "outside the bounds".
I appreciate the suggestion about the bra and panty set. We have actually tried something similar, and it worked out well I think. While discussing my "like" of lingerie and my request for her to wear something "sexy" more often, she told me that one major problem for her was buying it. She felt embarrassed to go to that part of the department store, and to pick something out. I asked her if she would be ok with me buying her something, and she said yes that would be OK. I picked out something that I thought was nice but not too much, wrapped it up very nice in a nice box, and gave it too her one night. It took her a couple of weeks to get up the courage to open the box, and then a couple more weeks to get up the courage to wear it, but she did. It was great, and I love her for it. So, I tried again with another piece, and that was ok as well. She has recently mentioned that she doesn't have a pair of pretty black panties that she likes, so I am taking that on as my next mission! ;-)
Subject:
Inbounds out of Bounds
Date:
June 18 2008
Comments:
Steve, I could not tell what was inbounds and out of bounds from what you wrote. There are things that my wife likes and dislikes. I think that is really what your wife is saying and using Deity as an excuse. She hasn’t tried something and doesn’t think she will like it for whatever reason. She may not be a brave soul. So, I have learned to take one step at a time and you may have to be the one to take the first step. Example, have you bought your wife a bra and panty set without asking her permission? Buy a sexy set and gift wrap it and get a romantic card and express your love for her, honestly and truly, not to just butter her up, but let her know that you love her. Along with the set get her a nice new shirt that is a bit long with long sleeves, with buttons she can wear over the set. Ask her to put it all on in another room where she can take her time, and get use to it. When she comes out praise the way she looks. After the shirt comes off, and don’t hurry with that, praise her, be honest and let her know how beautiful she is. Remember, one step at a time and take time. Be honest about how pretty she is using the words you know she would like to hear. Have you undressed your wife? That comes before striptease. She may never do one for you, but you take something off her and then let her take something of herself. Make it a game. My wife doesn’t like taking a shower with me, but she likes a tub for two. Adapt to put your wife at a comfortable level in a comfortable situation. One step at a time. Learn what she likes and dislikes. And remember there are things she just might not feel ever comfortable with. Don’t be forceful, but take the first step by talking and you may have to be the one to take the first step to try something to find out if it is something she might like after all. Think there are things in your life you do not like and don’t like to do them. Remember, don’t talk about what is in and out of bounds, but talk about likes and dislikes and talk about trying something to see if it might become something she would actually like. Also, and in all seriousness, there are bounds even when trying to find out what are your likes and dislikes are and don’t go out of bounds with trying different things. Be smart. Be patient. Be loving and neither you or your wife will regret it.
Subject:
"Within the bounds"
Date:
June 15 2008
Name:
Steve
Comments:
I'd like some help and suggestions from others who are working through issues in their marriage with this book.
I found it quite interesting and telling about our marriage that we both underlined and marked the same line, but with emphasis on different parts of the statement.
We read the section about "pray for an uninhibited sex live within the bounds the Lord has set". I circled the uninhibited part, she circled the within the bounds part.
So we talked about that, and started to make a list:
Showering together - outside the bounds
Lingerie - maybe ok, but generally outside of the bounds
Strip poker/games - outside of the bounds
Strip tease - definately way outside of the bounds
You probably get the idea. But how do we address this? I love my wife, and honestly, she has come a long way. She told me the night before we got married that she couldn't imagine being naked with me - she would need to at least have a sheet or blanket over her. We are past that now after 15 years.
She can have an orgasm nearly every time we make love, so I think the mechanics are there. But she is "ashamed" of so much that I would like to do in our intimate relationship. But she is convinced, even after reading the book, that all those things are outside of the bounds the at Lord has set.
So I am looking for suggestions from other readers on how they worked through the "what is OK and what is not OK" section, and how you actually apply the ideas there. She is completely convinced that I am wrong to ask for any of that, and that I am spiritually out of tune. I am convinced she is suffering horribly from the good girl syndrome and overly inhibited.
Any suggestions would be greatly welcomed!
