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"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
e-Newsletter #14 -- November
21, 2005 (#05-9)
www.StrengtheningMarriage.com
CONTENTS
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1~ MARRIAGE TIP -- "Secrets of the Female Sexual Response"
2~ ARTICLES -- "What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part II"
3~ EVENTS -- Couples' Cruise Newsletters & Cruise
Seminar
Topics
4~ NEWS -- (1)
Pre-Christmas Prices; (2) Book as
Human Sexuality
Course; (3) New Media Page: Link
to
StrengtheningMarriage.com
& 'Snow White Writes a Book' News
Story;
(4) Send Your
Thoughts
to
Deseret
Book
5~ READER'S REVIEWS
-- "We've
been missing out on so much"
6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I just want to
cuddle!"
7~ WORDS TO PONDER -- Love
is what you've been through
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1~
MARRIAGE TIP -- "Secrets of the Female Sexual Response"
The clinical model of the
sexual response leaves out a few important insights
that are vital to
mutual intimate fulfillment in marriage. The most
glaring
oversight in the response cycle for
women is their
need for a preparatory
phase. Most women require some degree of mental
and emotional warm-up,
in order to fully engage in the sexual
experience. Whereas men are usually
ready to go at a moment's notice.
Understanding the need for a warm-up
phase allows both husband and wife
to work together to meet each other's
needs for intimacy, honoring each
other's different sexual wiring. The
Warm-up/Preparation phase serves the following purposes:
(1) Preparing the environment
(2) Relaxing
(3) Preparing mentally
(4) Connecting emotionally, and
(5) Giving the wife's sexual arousal a head start
The next major oversight shows ignorance regarding a significant
difference
between male and female sexual desire. For men sexual desire is quickly
attained. Women, who are mistakenly perceived as having weaker sexual
desire, merely require a degree of arousal before their sexual
desire
is
awakened. Thus, where the sexual response phases tell us that desire
precedes arousal, for many women desire actually follows
arousal.
It's not
that women are never in the mood, it's just that we often don't
understand
what is needed to get in the mood.
Without the efforts and engagement of the Warm-up/Preparation phase it
is
difficult for many
women to even approach the state of arousal or to feel their
sexual desire. If the
attentive efforts of the warm-up phase still don't seem to
warm up the
wife, then emotional and mental inhibitors
involving negative and
unproductive thoughts about sex, or
other relationship issues are likely at work.
Remember these five T's of the female sexual
response: thoughts, tenderness,
talk, touch and time...
Keeping thoughts about sex (and one's spouse) focused in a positive and
productive direction is crucial to the unfolding of the
sexual experience.
Tenderness requires loving interactions that
specifically make one's spouse
feel loved and cherished. Conversation
is a necessary component for many
women to feel close and
connected mentally and
emotionally to their spouse.
Touch
reminds us that many women need to experience a degree of sexual
arousal before they feel their sexual desire. Lastly, many
women slowly
crescendo
into lovemaking rather than experience an immediate response,
thus they
require a sufficient amount of unrushed foreplay and stimulation to
reach the heights of
ecstasy.
(See Chapters 3 and 4 of
"And They Were Not
Ashamed" for a more in-depth
discussion of the female sexual response,
as well as a list of possible
intimacy inhibitors in Chapter 4.)
2~ ARTICLE -- "What’s
Okay and What Isn’t, Part II--Dealing
with
Sexual
Differences in Marriage"
Check out part two of Laura's latest Meridian Magazine article, "What's
Okay
and What Isn't". Laura's monthly column is published online every
4th
Monday
at www.MeridianMagazine.com.
"What’s Okay and What Isn’t,
Part II
Dealing with Sexual Differences
in
Marriage"
by Laura
M. Brotherson,
CFLE,
Meridian Magazine, Oct 24, 2005
http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/051024okay.html
Determining what's okay and
what isn't
within the intimate marital
relationship is no easy task! But if we
will take the opportunity to seek
God's perspective on these delicate
matters, we can develop greater
spiritual self-reliance, and be blessed
with greater spiritual insight.
"What’s Okay and What Isn’t,
Part I
Determining What’s Okay within
the
Intimate Marital Relationship"
by Laura
M. Brotherson,
CFLE,
Meridian Magazine, Sep 22, 2005
http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050922okay.html
What's okay and what isn't?
It's the
million-dollar question about sex,
and the most requested line of
questioning I get. Yet it is also the
single most complex, delicate,
and potentially dangerous topic of
discussion there is.
3~
AUTHOR EVENTS -- Couples'
Caribbean Cruise Newsletters &
Cruise Seminar Topics
Couples'
Caribbean Cruise--Seminar Schedule
February 11-18, 2006
(leaves
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida)
Only ten spots remain for the romantic
Couples' Cruise getaway to the
Caribbean. Dr. Stephen E. Lamb, M.D. and Laura M. Brotherson,
CFLE will
present seminars during the days at sea on the following topics:
Day 1 at Sea
Lamb -- "Good Hearts and Other Things That Make
Marriage
Work"
Brotherson -- "Learning to Love More Meaningfully"
Day 2 at Sea
Brotherson -- "The Adventure of
Marriage--Understanding the
Intricacies of Intimacy and
God's Designs for Marriage"
Lamb -- "Intimacy in Marriage--A Stumbling Block or
a
Stepping
Stone"
Day 3 at Sea
Lamb -- "Becoming One--Resolving Problems Related
to Physical
Intimacy"
Brotherson -- "Cultivating Intimate Desire for Your
Spouse"
Lamb and Brotherson -- Q&A
Call today to learn more and to reserve your
place on this
fabulous cruise.
For additional details visit our
Events page:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php
or click here for a
Couples' Cruise flyer: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/cruise.htm
Couples' Cruise News
Check out the weekly Couples' Cruise
Countdown newsletters at
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/cruisenews.php.
You'll find cruise
ship highlights and cruise
tips on topics that include the following:
* Fine dining -- 5 course meals;
boarding
times
* Seminar topics/schedule; dancing each
night; free movies under the stars
* Pools; daily dress
* Florida hotel accommodations; golfing;
documentation/passports
* Movies;
formal dress evenings
For information about
other author events visit our "Events"
page:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php
4~ NEWS -- (1) Pre-Christmas Prices; (2) Book as
Human
Sexuality
Course; (3)
New Media Page: Link to
StrengtheningMarriage.com
&
'Snow White Writes a Book' News Story; (4) Send Your Thoughts
to Deseret Book
(1) Pre-Christmas Prices
Helping
to strengthen one's marriage is one of the best gifts you can give
this
Christmas. With great pre-Christmas prices, "And They Were Not
Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment" makes
the
perfect Christmas gift! Whether your loved ones are readers or do
better with
audio books, you'll be giving a priceless gift with this insightful
book. Join the
many that have ordered multiple copies for their married children,
grandchildren,
friends and family. This allows you to take advantage of our FREE
SHIPPING
with orders of four or more items. (Special prices good when ordering
online
at www.StrengtheningMarriage.com
-- through Christmas '05!)
Softcover book
$14.95
(reg. $17.95)
Hardcover book
$19.95 (reg.
$22.95)
CD Audio book (12 CDs) $29.95
(reg. $39.95)
(2) "And They Were Not Ashamed" Book as
Alternative Human Sexuality
Course
We were recently contacted by a
university
professor in Washington to ask
about using our book as an alternative
text for some of their master's degree
students who were concerned
about the material taught in the required human
sexuality course. We
were honored by their request and their efforts to provide
appropriate,
yet effective information for those who will be counseling couples
in
their marriages.
(3) NEW Media Page -- Links to
StrengtheningMarriage.com & "Snow White
Writes a Book" News Story
In the menu on www.StrengtheningMarriage.com
you'll find a new "Media Page"
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/media.php
(still under
construction)
that will have many new features such as a News page,
Press Kit information,
FAQ page, a Book Brochure (to print) and other
Promotional information.
The "Link to StrengtheningMarriage.com" page
(http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/medialink.php)
allows anyone to
easily create a link to our website to provide their web visitors with
information
and access to our book and website as a valuable marriage
resource. Images
and text links with programming code are available. If
you have a website or
know of a website that would want to support the
effort to strengthen
marriages intimately, we encourage you to take
advantage of this web page
and share it with others.
Also on the Media Page on the "In The News"
page
(http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/medianews.php)
you'll find
fun new
news stories, interviews and articles, such as "'Snow White'
Writes Book
about Sex" (http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/mediasnowwhite.html).
(4) Send Your Thoughts to Deseret
Book
We continue to work with Deseret Book
regarding an opportunity for us to
advertise in their catalog. It may
be helpful for them to receive a
little extra
encouragement from readers in order to confidently
support our book "And
They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage
through Sexual Fulfillment."
Many couples are still searching for
answers in all the wrong places because
they don't know where to find
in-depth and effective, yet appropriate help for
the difficult and
delicate issues they face regarding marital intimacy.
If you would like to share your thoughts
about the value of this book and the
importance of getting the word out
about it, you can post a brief review of our
book on their website
(http://deseretbook.com/store/product?sku=4917595)
and/or send an
email to their customer service at: dbol@deseretbook.com.
We
appreciate your help with this
important endeavor to strengthen many
more marriages!
5~ READER'S REVIEWS
-- "We've been missing out on so much"
"I am ever so grateful to have
a bold and courageous book like yours
because it says what is needed,
not hint at it like so many others do,
leaving you thinking, 'I know I
need to know about these things but do
not know where to go that is safe'. I
think so often people are afraid
of coming across inappropriate things that
we are afraid to study and
learn what helps with sexual intimacy in our
marriages. I believe God
expects us to get educated and not act like
ostriches putting our heads
in the sand on these issues. I am amazed
how much pleasure and joy
me and my husband were missing out on before
your book!! Wow!!!
Thanks for opening my dungeon doors and helping me
break free of
my self-imposed prison walls.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We welcome you to
share your comments at:
www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php.
6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I just want to cuddle!"
Question:
Sometimes I just want to cuddle with my husband, but it always
seems to
turn into sex. My husband feels bad when I'm not in the mood,
but why can't
we just enjoy cuddling sometimes without it leading to
something else. What
can I do?
Answer:
Non-sexual touch, or affection, is a universal human
need. Many wives feel
frustrated with the lack of it, or that it always
seems to have strings attached.
On the other hand, many husbands feel frustrated with
the lack of sexual
touch that seems to be less frequent than they'd
like, causing reluctance to
not take advantage of any opportunity. Though husbands have a need
for non-
sexual touch that is just as
significant as their wife's need, the more intense
feelings associated
with sex make many men overlook the simpler pleasures
of affection,
preferring to skip that stuff and get to the good part! So, the issue
of sexual touch and affection in marriage is often a dilemma for both
husband
and wife.
One suggestion I give to couples is to set aside one night a week just
for
cuddling, or whatever
form of affectionate touch you can both enjoy, with an
understanding that it
won't lead to anything else. This mutual understanding
makes it easier
for both of you to relax, and learn to enjoy non-sexual touch
for its
own sake. For many women this helps them to disconnect any negative
associations they have with touch always leading to something else.
Paradoxically, more affection often helps women to warm up to more
intimate
interactions because it feeds her emotional needs for intimate
connection and
closeness. Where many women need some emotional and mental
warm-up
and preparation time to fully engage in sexual intimacies, this
weekly night of
affection goes a long way to help her develop a warmer
response to her
husband's sexual interests. With that said, husbands
must not go into this
"affection night" idea with any expectations
(even non-verbal ones) or it will
defeat the purpose of giving loving
touch with no strings attached.
Women must also consider their husband's needs and willingly suggest
another night of the week to be set aside where loving touch can
lead
to
sexual touch. For women, date night may provide the
ideal mental and
emotional warm-up time they need in order to
relax and more fully engage in
lovemaking. Having this understanding of at least one night for
lovemaking
makes it easier for husbands
to relax about sex, knowing that there is a light
at the end
of the tunnel! This planned-ahead occasion also gives the wife the
opportunity to mentally and emotionally prepare her heart and mind for
a more
enjoyable and fulfilling shared intimate
experience.
7~
WORDS TO PONDER -- Love is what you've been through.
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"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic
newsletter
designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author
of the
book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through
Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com
for excerpts and
reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes
your
feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com
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