| |
CONTENTS
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1~ MARRIAGE TIP--"God's Wedding Gift--Why Save Sex for
Marriage"
2~ ARTICLE--"Divine Designs of Marriage"
3~ EVENTS--Couples' Caribbean Cruise
4~ NEWS--Weekly Radio Show; DeseretBook.com; Photos, Audio
&
Video Clips; Quick Poll Question
5~ READERS' COMMENTS --"Your book tells me how
to
fix the
problems!!"
6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--"Why don't I enjoy
kissing
with
my wife?"
7~ WORDS TO PONDER--Profoundly meaningful sex... &
Take sex
out
of Satan's territory
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1~
MARRIAGE TIP--"God's Wedding Gift--Why Save Sex for
Marriage"
According to recent polls, about 90% of the population believe in God.
So
for most people it's enough to know that God has designated sexual
intimacy
as a "wedding gift" given only to those who are legally and
lawfully married.
But, are there additional benefits to saving sex for
marriage—beyond obeying
God's command? Yes! Here are just a few
compelling reasons to save sexual
expression for it's exclusive
enjoyment and fulfillment within marriage:
(1)
Provides a profound sense of accomplishment.
Those who
save sex for marriage may share something in common with those
who run a marathon, or who climb Mount Everest—a huge feeling of
accomplishment. The enduring satisfaction of having accomplished
something difficult, often in the face of great adversity, provides a
solid foundation for the soul and a continuing reservoir of genuine
contentment and confidence. The "quick thrill" of succumbing to a
sexual experience pales in comparison to the "permanent thrill" of
having overcome great odds to remain sexually pure for marriage.
(A
profound sense of accomplishment can also come from starting
over at
any point to remain sexually pure until marriage.)
(2)
Avoids heartache. Sharing sexual intimacies
outside of marriage
inevitably invites emotional turmoil and heartache.
Anyone who has
ever been used for a night of momentary pleasure knows
the
emotional pain associated with such indulgences. Deception,
regret,
and self-disgust often accompany the experience of
inappropriately
sharing intimacies with another. Any premarital or extra-marital
indulgences are merely cheap substitutes
for the real thing within the
committed, intimate relationship
available only within marriage.
(3)
Indicates trustworthiness. Trust is the
foundation of a strong
and healthy marriage, and reserving sexual
expression for marriage
demonstrates a significant degree of
trustworthiness. If you can be
trusted to save sex for marriage, then
you can be trusted with almost
anything. Trust is the antidote to
"relationship insecurity." If you have
succumbed to sexual temptation
outside of marriage, even if it was
with your spouse prior to marriage,
it plants the question in the mind
that maybe it could happen again
with someone
else. It's not that
trust is impossible after yielding to sexual
enticements, but it can
definitely create cracks in the marital
foundation, requiring extra effort
to cement it.
(4)
Develops self-discipline. Every exercise of
sexual restraint
builds discipline of mind and body. One father also
told his young
adult son that while sexual self-discipline was
important before
marriage, it was even more important after
marriage.
Just knowing
what I know about the intricacies of female sexual
fulfillment, I would
agree that self-discipline—mental, emotional and
physical—is vital
for anyone to develop in preparation for marriage.
(5)
Shows maturity. Maturity is the ability to
understand the
consequences of our actions, and to show a pattern of
making wise
choices. Keeping one's self from sexual indiscretion is not
only an
indicator of self-discipline, but also a demonstration of
wisdom in
keeping one's self away from the fire, away from compromising
situations, knowing that there will come a perfect time and place for
fully experiencing the intimate passion of the act of marriage.
While many believe
that young people are simply not capable of waiting
to
have sex until marriage, I disagree. It isn't that big of a stretch
to believe:
1) that children can be taught about sexual intimacy as a
divine gift reserved
for marriage; 2) that parents can meet their
children's emotional needs in
order for each child to feel loved, so
that they are less vulnerable to
substitute forms of intimacy and
fulfillment; and 3) that just as youth are
expected to wait until they
are
a certain age and have passed driver's
training before they receive a
driver's license, that they too can save sexual
expression for a
certain time and place within marriage.
God's wedding gift is just that...a gift for husband and wife to enjoy
within
the divinely designed relationship of marriage. Saving sexual
expression for
marriage has great benefits. See for yourself...
2~ ARTICLE--"Divine Designs of Marriage"
Check out our recent Meridian Magazine column "Divine Designs of
Marriage"
at:
http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050510sin.html.
Here are some highlights from the article:
“Marriage
is divinely designed as a personal crucible—a
refiner’s fire—
to smooth off our rough edges, and shape us into our
divine authentic
self. This process prepares us for greater degrees of
marital oneness."
"Marriage is the ultimate surprise “grab bag”—where you never really
know what you’re going to get."
"Nothing can compare to the peace, joy and ecstasy available in
marriage, but neither will anything exact such a price."
"Marital Responsibilities:
I. To become self-aware through intimate attention and
introspection.
2. To enroll oneself in serious and significant self-development
and
personal growth.
3. To develop unconditional love and acceptance for self and
spouse.
4. To heal and become whole, in order to become ONE.
5. To identify and be willing to stretch to meet another’s needs.
6. To remain receptive to ongoing opportunities for greater
growth
and
development."
"Marital Pledge:
* I pledge to focus my attention and efforts on
overcoming my
weaknesses and building upon my strengths...
* I pledge to invest myself in an ongoing, internal
self-development
process where I put in the necessary effort to
overcome my
weaknesses,
which will allow me to become more whole, as an
individual, and to
become more one with my spouse and God..."
“'Happily
ever after in marriage is possible. It is
within reach for all
couples...marriage truly holds within its embrace
the highest bliss,
the sweetest connectedness, the warmest touch, and
the greatest
peace that life and eternity has to offer."
To read past articles,
visit our "In The News" web page at:
3~
AUTHOR EVENTS--
Couples'
Caribbean Cruise
Couples'
Caribbean Cruise--Valentine’s Day Week
(February 11-18, 2006)
Headliners:
* Stephen E. Lamb, M.D., author of "Between Husband and
Wife"
* Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE, author of "And They
Were Not Ashamed"
Join us for an exciting 7-day Eastern Caribbean Cruise on the new
Caribbean Princess leaving from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.
Cruise
includes drawings for fabulous prizes, three 2-hr seminars during the
days at sea, group excursions with the authors, and much more!
Prices start at $815 per person. Limited cabins so book early!
Hostess: Julie Dansie / 801-651-7674 / jldansie@att.net
To book call Cruise Planners / 801-446-4218 or 866-446-4218
Click here for Cruise flyer:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/cruise.htm
For more information visit: www.WeCruiseInStyle.com
For information about
additional author events visit our "Events"
page:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php
4~ NEWS--Weekly Radio Show; DeseretBook.com; Photos, Audio
&
Video Clips; Quick
Poll Question
(1)
Weekly Radio Show about Intimacy. For more than
two months,
author Laura M. Brotherson has been a weekly guest on the
"Dr. Liz
Hale Show" on Utah's new AM820 radio station. You can be a
part of
the show by tuning in online at www.UtahAM820.com every
Thursday
from 10:30 - 11:45 a.m. You can also call in with your
questions or
comments at 1-888-362-1820. Each week Dr. Liz and Laura
highlight
a particular aspect of sexual intimacy in marriage, and visit
with callers
regarding their questions and comments. Don't miss out on
this
wonderful opportunity to gain insights about intimacy and
marriage.
Go
online and download the media player to get ready to tune in from
anywhere in the world. Our next show will be Thursday, July 14 from
10:30 - 11:45 a.m. See ya
then!
** Tune in every Thursday from 10:30 - 11:45 a.m. on Utah's
AM820 or online at www.UtahAM820.com **
(2) Article picked up by DeseretBook.com. The article
"Why Do
I
Keep Doing That?--Understanding Why We Sin" was recently picked
up by
DeseretBook.com. You can check it out at:
http://deseretbook.com/mormon-life/news/story?story_id=6539
(3) Photos, Audio & Video Clips Added. On the
"Events"
page
(http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php)
you'll
find new photos for many of Laura's recent events such as:
* her June 23 - 25
BYU Idaho Education Week presentations
* the June 24 Deseret Book "Meet the Author/Booksigning" in
Rexburg, Idaho; and
* the May 21 Couples Seminar in Boise
...just look for the
little "camera icon" to find the photos.
You'll also find audio and video clips from Laura's appearance on
Tiffany Berg's April 28th "Succeeding Gracefully" TV show. (Please
let
us know if you have any problems with the links.)
(4) Quick Poll Question. If you haven't had a chance to
let us
know
how you heard
about our book, "And They Were Not Ashamed" please
do so by answering
our Quick Poll
question:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/poll.php
5~ READERS' COMMENTS --"Your book tells me HOW
to fix
the problems!!"
"My
husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have
struggled
with intimacy problems since a few months after we were
married. I
was just never in the mood, and I didn't know how to get
there. I
wanted to have that closeness with my husband, but just didn't
know
how to get my body to want it. It got to the point where I would
dread
getting into bed at night with my husband, because I knew he was
going to try to initiate sex, and that I would say no, then he would be
hurt, and want to stay up all night talking about it and ask me
questions I didn't have the answers for. We have had countless
arguments over intimacy. We would always go around and around in
circles, having the same argument every time. We were so frustrated.
We
wanted to fix the problem but didn't know how. I bought a book a
couple
of years ago about intimacy. I didn't even finish the book. I
would
read it, but it never actually TOLD me HOW TO FIX the problems!
So I
lost interest. Your book tells me how to fix the problems!! Thank
you
for being so specific....
"My
husband told me that what he learned in the book
about women
and the way their minds and bodies work has given him a
greater
appreciation and a deeper love for me!... I feel so BLESSED to
have
found your book while we're still fairly young, and before these
intimacy
problems caused any more heartache between my husband and I.
I'm
so glad this finally came from a woman's perspective. Your
descriptions
in the book describe exactly how I feel at times. I feel
like a light has
come on!... I just feel like shouting out to the world
that there is HOPE
for any couple struggling in their marriage! There
is a way, an answer,
a solution! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"
We welcome you to
share your comments at:
www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php.
6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--"Why don't I enjoy kissing
with
my wife?"
Question:
Why don't I enjoy kissing with my wife? I did before I
married her. We loved
kissing. But I no longer look forward to kissing
my wife. I get tired of it after
a few minutes. Often, when we make
love, we don't kiss at all. Or rather, I'll
kiss her body, but not her
lips. It just isn't a priority for me. I want to want to
relish the
intimacy of kissing my wife, of making sure that she is well-kissed,
but I simply can't find any real pleasure out of it anymore. Is this
common?
How does one recover that delight?
Answer:
You can rest assured this situation is very common! Kissing and
non-sexual
touch often experience similar demise after
marriage--once we can do more
why "settle" for just kissing or for plain
old affectionate touch. This may not be
the only reason kissing has
lost some appeal, but it's a natural progression for
the more explosive
feelings of sex to outdo the simpler pleasures. You may
have to
re-learn to consciously choose to enjoy each stage of the lovemaking
"journey" for it's own sake, rather than rushing on to the
"destination."
You might consider doing what I've suggested to many wives
who miss having
that "plain old affection." Schedule one night a week (or month) for
the purpose
of re-training yourself to enjoy these simpler pleasures. (This is also
one of the
steps in the "Sensate Focus" exercises--You can find out more about it
in
Ch 12 of my book.) If you really want to enjoy kissing again, then
let yourself
re-learn to do so...!
By setting aside time
just for kissing, knowing it's not "permissible" for it to
go
anywhere, can help you learn to stay in the moment of pleasure. If
needed,
go somewhere where it's possible to make out (like in the
backseat of your
car), but where it's not so easy to go further, then
it won't be as much of a
temptation. "Kissing only" sessions can be
amazingly transforming in a
relationship.
Kissing is much more "intimate" than intercourse, therefore it is often
easier,
less vulnerable, and more comfortable for many people to shy
away from
kissing. They'd rather intertwine their bodies than their hearts. You
can't hide
who you are when someone is looking into your
eyes, nor can you ignore
really seeing the person you're kissing when
you are focusing face-to-face.
If the "intimacy" of kissing might be an issue, then the emotional
intimacy/
friendship between you and your wife may need some work.
Unconditional
love
and acceptance of yourself and your spouse can also ease the anxiety
of
intimacy. When we don't fully love and accept our
total self (the good and
the bad) we are not fully capable of giving
our full self to another in an intimate
relationship. We will always
hold something back out of fear. But we do not
have to be dependent on
another's acceptance of us to give our self to another
intimately. If we
can achieve unconditional love and
acceptance of our self,
it will matter little what others think or feel
about us.
It sounds like you may also have learned to mentally associate
"kissing"
with being a chore--just like so many women have learned to
associate "sex"
with being a chore. The steps for both to change are
similar. The mental
discipline many women need to develop to stay
focused within the lovemaking
experience is similar to the mental
discipline you'll need to re-learn to enjoy
"kissing pleasures."
Telling your mind to enjoy each kiss, and keeping out the negative
mental
clutter is key. The mind is a much underdeveloped and underused
power.
Telling your mind to focus on the enjoyment of every little
sensation and touch
of kissing is much more helpful than allowing
yourself to prove, once again,
that you get bored after a few
minutes... Remember thoughts are like
instructions to the brain, which
tell our emotions and bodies how to respond.
Consciously choose to only
allow thoughts that give positive instructions to
the brain. The great ability we each have to
train our minds to focus on what
we
want gives us the power to create any life experience we want. It's the
law of the harvest--what we focus our minds on grows, and keeps coming
back to us in the form of life experiences.
If we believe we'll get bored after a few minutes of kissing then our
mind helps
us prove ourselves right...we get bored after a few minutes!
We have the ability
to decide to change that belief to something like
"I thoroughly enjoy the
intimate experience of kissing my wife, and she
enjoys it too," then maintain
focus on that thought for as long as it
takes to form new mental pathways
that support the belief that you
"love kissing and that you savor every moment
of it!"
It's possible that
your wife may not enjoy kissing either.
Your wife's experience
with and response to making out are definitely
factors in your experience with
kissing.
I know of
many women who really don't like kissing at all. In fact
there are some
that are really grossed out by it. Many women can't stand
kissing
because
it always seems to lead to something else. If women would
learn to ask
(and
get) more of the non-sexual touch and affection (including
kissing)
that they want/need without letting it go anywhere, it would also
improve their sexual feelings. Husbands can also plan to give their
wives this
kind of affection "with no strings attached!"
Sex in marriage is a crucible for personal and relationship growth.
What if you
knew that your sexual problems held the key to the most
intimate, passionate
sexual relationship you could ever imagine? I
suspect we would all see our
sexual difficulties in a different light
and would be able to address the issues
with greater hope and greater
resolve. God bless you and your wife in your
efforts.
7~
WORDS TO PONDER--Profoundly meaningful sex...
& Take sex
out of Satan's
territory
"Profoundly
meaningful sex is determined more by our
self-
development, acceptance and overall maturity
than by hormones,
sex
drive or physiological reflex."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sex needs to be
taken out of the darkness, out of Satan's
territory,
and restored to
God's light."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic
newsletter
designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author
of the
book " And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through
Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com
for excerpts and
reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes
your
feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to
subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com
with
"Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news
about
this
valuable new resource.
UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and
updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com
with "Unsubscribe"
on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please
let us know.
All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
