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CONTENTS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
1)
ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject?"
2) MARRIAGE
TIP--Husband/Wife Photos
3) BOOK UPDATE--#6 Marriage Book, #1 Sex Book,
and
#3 Parenting Book
4) EVENTS--Marriage
Seminar, Feb. 4, Logan, Utah
5) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Suggestions for
my wife...
6) WORDS TO PONDER--Breaking the sex talk
taboo
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1) ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in
Marriage?"
Read the exciting new article by Laura M. Brotherson entitled "Why Is
Sex Such A Taboo Subject in Marriage?" recently published online at
Meridian Magazine: http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050106taboo.html.
The article discusses some reasons why we don’t talk about sex, as well as
how to talk about it, and what to talk about. Some of the reasons for the
sex talk "taboo" identified in the article are as follows:
- We are embarrassed.
- We are negatively conditioned.
- We lack divine understanding.
- We lack intimate education.
- We have no example to follow.
- We think it’s too sacred.
- We think it’s too personal.
- We feel ashamed or fearful.
- We don’t know what’s okay and what isn’t.
- We think talking about it indicates a problem.
- We believe that spouses should read minds.
- We don’t know what turns us on.
- We don’t want to be considered selfish.
- We don’t want to hurt our spouse’s feelings.
(This article was adapted from Chapter 6 “Sexual Stewardship— Finding
Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage” of the book And They Were
Not
Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual
Fulfillment. To see
past articles written by the author or other articles written about the book
And They Were Not Ashamed visit our "In The News" webpage at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/news.php.)
2) MARRIAGE TIP--Husband/Wife
Photos
How many pictures of just you and your spouse do you have displayed
in your home? When was the last time you and your spouse had a
"couple"
portrait taken? We encourage you to take some fun pictures
of you and your
spouse, or have a portrait sitting, so that you can post
these pictures
around your home to remind you of the importance of the
marriage
relationship. Family photos are great, but you need couple
photos as well!
Husband/wife photos remind you that your relationship
must be nourished if
you want it to continue to be close and connected
even after the children
are grown. Husband/wife photos also help
children to realize that the
marriage relationship is important.
Set a goal to either find or take some husband/wife photos and place
them on your fridge and in your bedroom before Valentine's Day,
Feb. 14,
2005. You might even want to have some photos enlarged
and framed as a
special gift.
3) BOOK UPDATE--#6 Marriage Book, #1 Sex Book,
and #3 Parenting Book
We're thrilled to report that your help in sharing this ground-breaking
marriage resource is paying off! And They Were Not
Ashamed--
Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment is steadily
climbing the charts at DeseretBook.com and is currently listed as the:
#1 Best Selling "Sex" book (in the Marriage books
category)
Thank you for your efforts! Let's continue to move this book forward to
#1 as the best selling "marriage," "sex" and "parenting" book. If you have
found this book to be of value, please tell just one friend or family
member about it. We can bless many lives with this book as evidenced
by
the comments of this reader:
"Your book is exactly what I've been praying for....Sadly,
much
of the world doesn't understand fidelity. I actually had
a counselor I was
seeing tell me to go find a lover! At that point
I began buying anything
LDS on the topic of intimate
relationships...and so far they lack the
direct approach I am
seeking. I don't need someone to beat around the
bush,
making subtle suggestions. My husband and I need direct,
gospel
based information on lovemaking. Thank you for
understanding a great
need." To read additional comments or to post your own,
visit:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php
4) AUTHOR EVENTS--Marriage Seminar, Feb. 4, Logan,
Utah
Stake Marriage Seminar (Logan Utah East Stake)
Friday, Feb 4th, 6:30 -
9:30 p.m. (1550 E. 1500 N. Logan, UT)
TOPIC: "The Sanctity of Sexual
Relations in Marriage--
Finding Mutual Fulfillment"
5) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Suggestions for my
wife...
Question:
I greatly enjoyed your book, but I can't get my wife to read it. She
thinks it's just another sex book that titillates men and puts
women
down. I so badly want to have an open conversation leading to
mutual understanding with my wife about many subjects in your
book, but
she feels uncomfortable to talk from the heart. Any
suggestions for helping
my wife to see the importance of your book?
Answer:
Your question is a common problem for many husbands. I can understand
your wife's hesitation to read "another sex book"...especially if she thinks
it's just another smut-filled book that will make you want sex more, while
she may still be trying to avoid it. There are some things you can do
to
increase the likelihood that your wife will want to invest her time and
energy in this issue, but your wife must somehow come to understand
the
importance of physical intimacy in marriage and decide that she's
ready and
willing to take it on.
The best way you can help her come to that realization is to pray for
her
heart to be softened, that she will see the importance of intimacy--not
just for you, but also for her--and have a desire to work on it. You can
contribute to creating such an environment by having patience with her,
and letting her find the light in her own time and way. I know that is
frustrating to the many good husbands out there who just want their
wives to enjoy physical intimacy with them, but even as I asked my own
husband what he might suggest to husbands like you, he just said to
"tell you to pray and hang in there!" I wish I had some simple magic for
you.
From my experience, though it was primarily me that took the initiative
to overcome my reticence and inhibitions regarding sexual issues, it was
my husband's unending patience with me, and him continually striving to
love me anyway, even though I wasn't meeting his needs, that really gave
me the motivation and desire to finally figure this sex business out once
and for all! This is a good course of action for any spouse!
Look for the good in your wife. Appreciate everything she does do and
try to let go of the mental desire/urgency that she read this book and
"get fixed" because I'm sure she already knows things aren't as they
should be. She probably doesn't like "not liking sex" either. She has likely
lost any hope regarding sex, or feels like a failure as a wife, or is simply
so inhibited and negatively conditioned about sexual issues to even go
there. But I know you and your wife can find the fulfillment in marriage
that God intended if you'll hang in there and trust in God to provide the
help and the answers in His perfect timing and way.
Take the things you have learned from reading the book such as:
understanding negative conditioning, sex differences between men and
women, the intricacies of the female sexual response, the need for
women
to feel emotionally intimate, close and connected for arousal to
occur, etc.
and apply what you can to create a warm and supportive
environment for your
wife. The dynamics of your relationship can change
significantly even if
only one of you are consciously working at it.
Maybe at some point you could ask your wife if she'd be willing to read
the book together with you for a few minutes at night--if you promise it
won't lead to anything...! (That might be something holding her back).
Pray to know specifically what you can do, and I believe you'll get
answers. But be patient with her. The last thing your wife needs is any
pressure. This is one of those issues that if you can let it go, it is more
likely to come back to you.
I hope something here will be helpful. I want every husband out there
to
feel like he is the luckiest man in the world! I also want every woman
out
there to not only enjoy intimate relations with their husbands, but also
to
feel alive sexually and to graciously accept the sexual dimension of the
self.
Note: Wives can also apply this information if it's the husband
who is
reluctant or uninterested in "reading a book" or working on their
marriage.
6) WORDS TO PONDER—Breaking the sex talk
taboo
******************************************************
"Though it
seems impossible, an inhibited husband and wife can
make love several times
a week for a period of years without ever
verbalizing their feelings or
frustrations on this important aspect
of their lives. When this happens, the
effect is like taking a hot coke
bottle and shaking it until the contents
are ready to explode.
Remember this psychological law: any anxiety-producing
thought
or condition which cannot be expressed is almost certain to
generate inner pressure and stress. The more unspeakable the
subject,
the greater the pressurization. And . . . anxious silence
leads to the
destruction of sexual desire."
~~Dr. James Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew, p.
125
******************************************************
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Straight
Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed
to strengthen marriages and families—written by the author of the
exciting new book " And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage
through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com
for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author
welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE
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